“Why didn’t you ever say anything to me?” she asked, looking hurt. And confused.

I hated her pain, but it was nothing compared to mine. I shook my head. “I know you. You’d want me to meet with him. You’d want me to have some…bonding family moment with him…and I…I can’t, Kiera.”

She sighed as she stroked my cheek, and I felt the request coming. It made my heart race. “He’s your family, Kellan…”

I jumped to my feet, finally moving away from her. Family? Bullshit. “No, no, he’s nothing to me!” I ran my hands through my hair as I looked around, looked for escape. There was none. Everywhere I turned I saw my parents. And Gavin. And a lifetime of pain. “He left me. He took off and abandoned me. He let me grow up with…those…people.”

Every hit started replaying in my mind. Every word of derision. Every glance of contempt. Every bitter, spiteful comment, every moment when they’d shoved me away from them, every time when I’d stupidly tried to get them to love me…and failed miserably. And Jesus Christ…I still wanted them to love me. How fucked up was that? That after everything, I still wished for that? And it was all Gavin’s fault. “He wanted nothing to do with me…so I want nothing to do with him…”

My voice cracked. My entire body was shaking, and I couldn’t stop it. I felt like I was vibrating apart, repeatedly ripping into small pieces. I didn’t want to be here, but there was nowhere for me to go—no relief from the pain.

Kiera stood up. She stepped into my body, ran her hand up my chest, to the tightness of my jaw. I couldn’t look at her, I couldn’t look anywhere. The past wasn’t leaving me; I felt like I was drowning in it. When Kiera spoke, her voice was soft, like she wanted to be soothing, but what she said was anything but soothing. “He didn’t know what situation he was leaving you in. How could he? Maybe he thought he was doing you a favor by stepping away, by not permanently breaking up the family he’d already…damaged.”

A word she’d used burned through my fog of pain. My eyes locked on hers. “A favor? My dad used to whip me with his belt when he got angry. He’d hit me so hard that I had to sleep on my stomach for days afterward. And I learned early on that running away from him would only make it worse when he did catch me. So, I had to stand there, like a dog, and let him beat me. How is that…a favor?”