‘Really? Angelica is the one who raised her, made her who she is.’

I think about angry, anxious Angelica and shake my head. ‘Stop putting yourself down. It’s infuriating. You can be vulnerable without being pathetic. Tell Casey everything and then let her decide if she wants you around.’

‘Everything? Including what her grandad did when she was only a couple of days old? No. I don’t want to hurt her even more.’

‘OK. Maybe not that. But you have to try to find a way.’

He closes his eyes. ‘Even if I could work out how to explain it, Angelica won’t let me anywhere near her.’

‘Hmm.’ Something occurs to me. ‘You said Angelica doesn’t know you met her dad in prison?’

‘No.’

‘What if you told her the truth, exactly as you told me just now: what happened when he came to visit you, and how much you regret going along with what he wanted? If you really do regret it, that is.’

‘I really do.’ Dan turns towards the apartment building, gazing up at the penthouse, the windows blazing orange as they reflect the sun. ‘And you believe I can be a better dad this time around?’

I want to believe it. I want to make everything we’ve been through mean something.

‘The more important question is: do you believe you can?’

He says nothing for so long that I think he’s about to say no.

‘Maybe.’

‘It has to be yes,’ I say. ‘You have to be the one who believes it, if you’re going to stand any chance of persuading them to let you back into their lives.’

Chapter 45: Dan

Do I believe I can do better? The stuff Gemma said has disorientated me and brought the buzzing back, louder than ever.

‘I need to get going,’ she says. ‘I’m knackered and I ought to be taking better care of myself.’

Shit. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own drama for the last few minutes that I haven’t even considered what effect if might be having on her.

‘When do you find out if . . .’ I remember she doesn’t use the word ‘pregnant’, so I say, ‘whether the treatment has worked?’

‘Saturday. They do a blood test, because it’s more reliable and shows how my hormones are behaving. Last time I got a positive result, but the changes were chemical. Not real.’

‘Shit, Gemma, that’s terrible.’

She shrugs. ‘It was a low, that’s for sure.’

‘How are you feeling about having the test?’

‘I don’t care what the result is. I just want an end to this limbo.’

I don’t believe her. ‘Really?’

Gemma sighs. ‘The thing is . . . I haven’t told my family, but I’ve been feeling nauseous and my skin’s been extra-sensitive.’

‘So it might have worked?’

‘It could be stress. The last few days have been intense.’

‘I’m so sorry for causing all of it.’

‘I know.’ Her eyes focus on mine and the hum of the harbour fades away.