I don’t think it was quite that. But it was better than any day I can remember since grief came into my life. Dad could be right. Winter is finally over.

As soon as I get home, my phone buzzes to remind me it’s time.

I change out of my dress, then wash my hands and sit at the bar stool in the kitchen while I draw up the syringe. OK. Deep breath. I raise my T-shirt to expose my tummy and inject myself.

The jolt of pain always shocks me, but it’s over quickly. I stare at my belly, which is polka-dotted from the progesterone I’ve already administered. I touch the skin. Is this working?

I want this so much. But it’s not all I want, not any more.

Today was dreamy and soft-focus, yet as I think of Dan, lust hits so hard that I’m glad I’m sitting down or it’d knock me off my feet. How the hell can I be sweetly broody one second, recklessly horny the next? I apologize to Andrew in my head. Not me – it’s my hormones.

No. It’s more than hormones. When I’m with Dan I’m a woman, not a widow or a future mother. I’m about desire and connection and making new memories, not reliving old ones.

Laura is right. I should wait before I tell Dan about this, because it might not end up being a part of our story.

Bear looks up from where he’s curled in his basket and raises his paw wearily.

‘Oh, no prizes for guessing what you want.’

I take his liver-flavoured toothpaste off the shelf, squeeze some onto the long pink doggy toothbrush, and try to attack his back molars before he has a chance to lick all the paste away. I’m tired, but not yet sleepy.

When I close my eyes, I see Dan.

Is this OK, Andrew? For so long I’ve believed that my husband would forever be the man I saw when I shut my eyes. But maybe what I need is someone who can also be there when I open them.

The Amazing Book of Us still calls out to me, because I want to remember how it felt to be loved by Andrew. As I pick it up, a pang of nostalgia hits me. Of course I always knew in my head that he could never come back. But now I know it in my heart, too.

Chapter 32: Dan

Sunday 22 July

‘Dad?’ Casey shouts through the bedroom door. ‘Wake up, it’s mega-sunny today, we need to be out doing Bristol things!’

As alarm calls go, being called ‘Dad’ takes some beating.

But now I’m remembering yesterday’s encounter with Gemma’s sister and the fear comes back. I grab my phone. Nothing from Gemma telling me I’m scum. That has to be good news, because she’d be in touch if Laura had suspected anything.

I know I have to find a way to tell the truth.