It’s not only that. I am keeping this huge part of myself hidden by not telling him about the transfer.

Though that will resolve itself soon enough.

Bear and I walk towards Clifton, my feet more solid on the ground. But the humid air still smells of jasmine, and every time I close my eyes I see Dan’s face and it’s all I can manage not to change direction and run back to him as fast as my legs, and Bear’s, can manage.

Morning, and the disgust has kicked in, worse than any hangover.

What the hell was I thinking?

I phone Laura in such a state I can barely talk and she invites me over to Weston. I drive like I’m doing my test because I don’t quite trust myself.

‘Uh-oh,’ she says when she answers the door. ‘You have the look of a very guilty woman.’

She makes tea and we drink it in her garden, where Charlotte grizzles and Felix pats Bear with firm toddler fists. Bear puts up with it, an expression of stoicism on his face.

‘I need tough love, please. No holds barred.’

‘You’ve come to the right place for that. Charlotte had me up all night, teething.’

I might come to regret this. ‘I am a mess, Laura.’

‘The hormones again?’

‘Could be.’ She gives me the death stare and I sigh. ‘Actually, no. Not the ones you mean.’

‘What else would it be?’ Her eyes narrow. ‘Holy shit. It’s that bloke, isn’t it?’

‘I kissed him last night. I kissed Dan. And it wasn’t the first time. I kissed him on Sunday too, but last night was the worst because . . . because I’ve had the transfer now.’

The transfer of the precious embryo I created with Andrew, to help our love live on. His final chance of passing on what made him wonderful is somewhere inside me, yet I kissed another man.

Could the blastocyst know, somehow?

Laura touches my hand and I think it’s a gesture of comfort, until I see the frown on her face. ‘Am I allowed to ask supplementary questions?’

I nod, almost relishing the chance to confess, so I can move on.

‘How long did you kiss him for?’

‘Um. Cumulatively? The first kiss was a few seconds. The second one . . .’ My brain replays the lift journey, the doors opening and shutting, the urgency of his lips and his hips against mine. ‘Longer.’

She raises her eyebrows. ‘Were they good kisses?’

Pleasure spreads through me, like I’m lowering myself into a hot bath. ‘Yes.’

Laura swigs her tea. She brews it too strong for me on purpose, so she gets the entire pot. Plus, caffeine is a no-no right now. Like kissing should be.

‘Cards on the table, Gems. How long since you’ve kissed someone properly?’

‘Well, not since Andrew obviously.’ Even then, we hadn’t kissed properly – passionately, sexily – for at least a year before that.

‘There’s no obviously about it, Gem. I’ve been telling you to date again. If only to prove that a kiss is just a kiss, et cetera. Ah well, better late than never. At least you don’t have to see this bloke again, do you?’