After we disembarked from the ferry at Milford Sound four days ago and got back on the coach, Griff explained that the early Maori people had discovered jade stone in the area, although they called it pounamu, and that spiritually, it was very important to them. Anna never told me where she got the ring from originally, or perhaps I didn’t think to ask, but now it feels important to know. This memory book does not go back as far as the year she gifted me the ring, sadly, but I have decided to begin reading it again anyway, mostly because of how much I am missing her.

It was difficult at first, seeing her neat, rounded letters. She had a funny way of curling the tails of her ‘Y’s and ‘G’s, and her buoyant spirit has been captured by her fondness for an exclamation mark – or three. That was Anna, though – always laughing, forever positive, perpetually bubbly. I had not realised what a light she was, until that glow was snuffed out, leaving David and me stumbling around in the darkness that followed. Reading her little observations, quirky remarks and insightful musings is bringing back the mother I miss, and although it hurts when the inevitable loss comes knocking, I have discovered over the past few days that the gain is more than worth the pain.

I have not been back to Koru Stables since Sunday. Tui is at school during the week, and despite Allie welcoming me last time, I doubt she would appreciate me turning up again for no apparent reason. I know how busy a yard can be – and Kit and Allie are filling in for Bonnie as well. It still feels utterly bizarre to me that my biological mother ended up flying to England the very same day that I came out to New Zealand, and I have been over the possible reasons for her trip multiple times in my head. I checked in with David yesterday, but he is adamant that he has not heard from her. What could she be doing – and with whom? If I wasn’t such a coward, I would ask Kit to find out for me, but then I would have to explain why I couldn’t simply contact her myself. Plus, I am actually beginning to dread the thought of her returning and finding me here – the result of that is too uncertain, and her reaction could unravel all the calm I have gathered around me since I arrived.

It is such a mess, this whole bizarre situation, yet I can’t deny that some good has come from it. Namely meeting my half-sister and, my subconscious whispers, it has been nice to be around horses again, too.