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Back One Winter Morning Save as PDF
Chapters (56)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. By the same author
  4. Dedication
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. 8
  13. 9
  14. 10
  15. 11
  16. 12
  17. 13
  18. 14
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. 20
  25. 21
  26. 22
  27. 23
  28. 24
  29. 25
  30. 26
  31. 27
  32. 28
  33. 29
  34. 30
  35. 31
  36. 32
  37. 33
  38. 34
  39. 35
  40. 36
  41. 37
  42. 38
  43. 39
  44. 40
  45. 41
  46. 42
  47. 43
  48. 44
  49. 45
  50. 46
  51. 47
  52. 48
  53. Acknowledgements
  54. Read More
  55. Two Years Later
  56. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING

I look up towards where the sun has just emerged from behind a small, tufty cloud, and decide not to rub my friend’s nose in the fact that it’s glorious where I am.

‘David hates the sun,’ I say insistently. ‘He has the same complexion as me – we’re not made for it. And anyway,’ I add, thinking, ‘he wouldn’t just swan off without telling me – he knows that I worry since—’

It is then that an exceptionally horrible thought occurs to me. Maybe David really is angry with me after what I admitted to him on Christmas Eve. At the time, he had reassured and comforted, but perhaps upon reflection, he has realised that what I did that winter morning was as reprehensible as I had always feared, and now he doesn’t want to see or speak to me, because he can’t bear to.

‘David would never do anything to deliberately upset or worry you,’ Hayley says then, as if I had blurted out the words instead of merely thinking them. ‘There must be a good reason.’

‘There will be an explanation,’ I decide, reassuring myself more than her. ‘You should go – this call will be costing you a fortune.’

It’s only when we have said our goodbyes and I’m walking distractedly back up the hill towards the apartment that I remember the man’s voice I heard. Lucky Hayley, I think, despising my envy almost as soon as it manifests as a scowl on my face. I am happy for my friend, and even more so for whoever she woke up with this morning, because he is a very fortunate man. It’s just that it has been such a long time since I have been close to anyone in that way – and when Kit comforted me on the pier in Oamaru, it only served to make me realise how long. I had felt a yearning in that moment, even though I was flooded with mournfulness, and the same stirring of desire had been there amongst the eerie lights of the portal, too, when Kit stood so close behind me. When we sat on that balcony, sharing stories of our lives in between sips of whisky, that longing intensified yet more, until I had no choice but to excuse myself and go to bed. It was either that, or risk giving in to the need that the alcohol was coaxing out of me. Because that was surely all it was – that is all it can ever be.