“I should have,” she agrees simply. “I just … I’ve never done it before, and I know it’s not an excuse, but I guess I just … I don’t know. You know, I’m almost eighteen? I’m practically eighteen, and I’ve never kissed anyone.”

“I don’t think that’s uncommon.”

“Maybe, but it feels it. It feels like everyone knows what they’re doing except for me. I’m the only one who has no idea, so I messed up every part of it, and I hurt you when that’s the last thing I wanted.”

I’m really tired suddenly. “Harriet, just … next time, give them a chance to say no.”

“I will. I promise. I will.”

“Good luck with your parents. I’m sure they’ll come around. Eventually.”

Her smile is tight. Something tells me she doesn’t think I’m right.

“Can we still be friends?” she asks.

I think back to the taste of her. The feel of her face too close to mine. The twisting, repulsed sort of fear. My heart starts racing—both at the memory, and because of my answer. Because I hate conflict, and I hate hurting people, but I don’t deserve to be hurt, either.

“I don’t really think I want that,” I say. “Not right now.”

Harriet nods.

There. I said it. And I survived it, too.

“Do you hate me?” she asks.

“No,” I say honestly, and she nods again.

And for now, that’s that. I leave, and I don’t feel good, exactly. Mostly just sad, and anxious.

But at least I don’t feel regret.

FORTY-THREE ROSE

Danni isn’t answering my texts, so I seek out Eleanor’s bedroom. Eleanor is just the person you want if you need someone to bounce ideas off, because she’s not particularly opinionated, but she is remarkably encouraging. When I arrive there, I find Molly already inside, which is all the better for me. If anyone has a vested interest in forming a plan to rescue Danni, it’s Molly.

“Danni told us what happened,” Molly says. She’s sitting in Eleanor’s desk chair, wearing her school uniform still. Eleanor’s already changed into jeans and a jumper.

“How are you doing?” Eleanor asks, sitting crossed-legged on her bed.

“Oh, wonderful,” I say, throwing myself on the floor to sit with my back to the mirrored wardrobe. “I have exciting news, actually. I’ve agreed to get engaged to Alfie.”

Eleanor drops her phone and bursts out laughing. Molly looks at me as though I’ve just announced I’m running away with the circus. “You what?”

“William drives a hard bargain,” I say. I try and fail to smile.

Eleanor, who seems to have only just realized I’m serious, sits up straighter. “In exchange for what?”

“In exchange for him speaking to the headmaster about Danni. Amongst some other things.”