The people standing before me are staring, wide-eyed and gaping. Just for a moment, they aren’t observing me as reporters, tucking my words away and forming silent questions. They’re staring at me as citizens of my country, citizens in shock, trying to process an unprecedented action. I have the power to turn their worlds upside down with a simple admission. In return, they have the power to destroy me or raise me up, depending on how they relay my words to everyone else.

So, what is it? Am I to be despised, or accepted?

What’s the better story?

What’s the better future?

We all survey one another for a beat of silence. Then, they explode into questions, eyes bulging and hands waving and voices scraping as they compete to yell over one another.

But, for now, I have nothing more to say.

For the first time, I truly understand what Danni meant back in November, when she ended things with me. What was it she’d said? She wanted to hurt now, to avoid a greater hurt later?

I think perhaps it was more than that. I think, even then, she knew that the fear of living a secret so enormous, knowing that, at any moment, it may be discovered, is no way to live. It’s no life at all to merely pretend to live one while forever preemptively sitting within the fear of its loss.

At least, whatever happens from here, it will happen on my terms.

Thanking them, I head back inside the gate where Molly and Eleanor rejoin my side. Now we’re facing a different crowd. One consisting of my peers, girls I’ve gone to school with for years, some I’ve known my whole life. Staring at me as though they’ve just met me.

“Holy shit, Rose,” Eleanor says in a low voice as she walks. “Holy shit.”

“Keep walking, just keep going,” Molly instructs, shoving me forward.

Danni stands where I left her, but now, her mother is by her side, wrapping an arm around her. Neither of them appear able to tear their eyes from me. Before we reach them, Danni hands her mother her key card, promising to meet her in her bedroom soon. As Mrs. Baker turns to leave, Danni runs to me, and I take her hand in mine as I walk. “Why did you do that?” Danni asks in a trembling voice, hurrying to keep my pace. “Please tell me that was your choice.”

I open my mouth to reply, but instead, I start to laugh, and I can’t seem to stop myself.

Because for the first time in my life, it actually was.

FIFTY-ONE ROSE