She doesn’t say “but,” but I hear it anyway. And I have to figure out what to say, fast, because saying nothing is as good as outing Rose. And denying it? Am I that good an actor? Or will I basically out Rose through my sheer panic? Door A sucks, and door B sucks, and the longer I take to pick one the less likely she’ll believe whatever I do say.

“It’s not me and Rose,” I say. “It’s just me.”

And there. Just like that, it’s out in the world again. Now three living people know I’m not straight. And, surprisingly, it doesn’t feel as scary as I thought it would. Maybe because I trust Molly, more than most people I’ve ever met. Maybe because Molly made it clear the day I met her she doesn’t have a problem with sapphics. But even still, this is big. It’s big, and it’s done, and she doesn’t seem freaked out at all. I did it.

I did it.

I can tell right away Molly believes me, from the way her face softens and her eyebrows shoot up. So, encouraged, I lie some more. “I’ve liked her for a while, and I told her last month, and she didn’t feel the same, and it hurt my feelings, so I told her I wanted some space for a while. I thought if I didn’t see her as much I’d get over it, but I haven’t gotten over it. And I’m pretty sure she’s mad at me for ending our … friendship. So, it’s all sort of on me for ending it to begin with, and I’ve just hurt both of us, but I don’t know how to take it back.”

It’s so good to get it out. And even though half of it is bullshit, the gist of it is still there.

“Why do you think she’s mad at you?” Molly asks.

“She’s pretty much acting like I don’t exist.”

Molly leans in, and she looks serious and apologetic all at once. “Look, I don’t mean this to hurt your feelings, or make it harder for you, but Rose shuts people out. Easily. She doesn’t care if she’s hurting you, she only cares about herself, and what she wants, and what’s best for her. So don’t … don’t think you need to figure out how to make it up to her. It’s not a crime to have feelings for someone, and it shouldn’t have had to mean the end of your friendship. And if you asked to end it, it’s obviously because you were hurt. Someone who cared would’ve given you some time to cool off, and then they would’ve reached back out. But she doesn’t care.”

“Yes she does. I just—”