When I slipped into bed that night, I wondered how much exercise I’d have to do to remove the knot lodged in my stomach from thinking about Mum. The pins and needles were back and the numbness was covering my body again. My mind was racing. I was stressed about Mum not even bothering to see if I’d got home safely. I was worried about not being good enough to make one of the basketball teams. And I was nervous about singing in the morning circle.

I tried to stop my mind from racing by doing deep breathing. It was one of the things that Caitlin had shown me. Before starting her yoga, she always took deep breaths. ‘Exhale out all of the worries and tension in your body,’ she’d said. I used to think it was yoga nonsense, but I was willing to give anything a try now. I took the biggest breath that I could, feeling my ribcage expand, and then I exhaled, thinking about all of the worry and stress in my body disappearing along with my breath. I kept focusing on the sound of my breath until I dozed off.

The Tuesday night before tryouts I still hadn’t heard from Mum, and the way I was feeling was unbearable, like I would explode. In maths class I couldn’t understand a word that my teacher was saying. I couldn’t follow a thing. In a desperate attempt to look like I knew what I was doing, I started copying Caroline’s work. I felt terrible. Never had I been the type of person to not be doing well with my schoolwork, and I’d definitely never copied anyone else’s work before. I had never been so relieved for the lunch break and to get out on the court.

The good thing about how I was feeling was that it made me aggressive, like I’d had a shot of steroids or something. I wasn’t scared of taking on anyone. After I cut between three towering boys in the key and laid up a shot, Hayley patted my back and said, ‘Make sure to bring that energy to tryouts tomorrow night, Pheebs.’

Later that night, when I checked my phone to see if Mum had messaged me, there was a message from Hayley telling me again how well she thought I’d played. Hayley’s message was nice to hear but I still found myself tossing and turning in bed. I couldn’t stop all of the thoughts racing through my mind about how hopeless I was at everything.

I was kidding myself. My life was a train wreck and I’d better get used to it because it was only going to get worse. It was only a matter of time before Mum messed up again, Dad found out and lost his temper, and I failed at everything.