and I didn’t know what she meant or what I should say

but she didn’t seem to care

/

turpentine was in it I know that much

I always had it with a bit of powdered milk mixed in to help it down

she called it the good stuff

better than anything you could buy in the shops she said

and I gave her a little payment for it when I could

although she always said I didn’t need to pay her

but I always did when I could afford to

/

Lenny sat down at the kitchen table and I gave him his dinner like a good wife is supposed to

and he ate it while I sat looking out the window

aren’t you eating he said

I’m not hungry I said

have you fed the baby he said

of course I have I said

what did you feed him

I fed him mashed banana

is that all

that’s all he needs

how do you know he said

because I’m his mother I said what would you feed him

of course he didn’t know what he’d feed him

you know nothing about children I said

then Lenny didn’t say nothing for a while

he just fiddled with the food on his plate

like a little boy who can’t get his own way

which is what he was like when he couldn’t think of what to say

which was very often the case

/

I can’t sit here all night I said I’ve got things to do

no-one’s asking you to sit here all night he said

what have you got to do you can hardly walk straight he said

have you washed the baby’s clothes at least

yes I have I said he hasn’t got many

they’re out hanging on the line if you want to take a look

of course he couldn’t take a look because it was dark by now

and there was no light out in the yard

when are you going to fix that light I said

he didn’t answer me

he just stood up and scraped what was left on his plate into the bin

that’s a waste I said all that food you’re throwing out

it’s not much he said

didn’t you like it I said

no I didn’t he said

so that was dinner over and done with

/

I woke up in the middle of the night and the bed was empty beside me

so I got up and went to the bedroom door

and I stood there listening

and I heard Lenny singing to the baby

and it was like the baby was singing back

gurgling and whispering with that tiny voice of his

and it sounded so far away

as if the baby being so young made him a long way from us