and I reached out to pull the thread from her eyes

Mama please

but she couldn’t hear me anymore

and I saw her shrink down in her chair to a lump of threads

like something the cat sicked up

Mama I said please

I’m going mad

/

Lenny sent me a note

I’m at my sister’s are you straightened out yet it said

I was straight as a broom handle

I went round there in a clean dress and my hair combed

are you coming back I asked him

he looked at me hard his fists jammed down in his pockets

where’s the baby I said

my sister’s taking care of him he said

your fucking sister I said

and I could see his neck tighten

are you straight he said

so I breathed in his face

what do you smell I said

toothpaste he said

I’m allowed to brush my teeth I said

then I heard the baby crying

he wants me I said

he doesn’t know you’re here said Lenny

of course he does I said babies can tell if their mothers are close I said

they can smell them or something

if you don’t smell of grog then how can he know it’s you said Lenny

don’t break my heart I said

haven’t you got any feeling I said

he just stood there like a tombstone

and I suddenly come over all dizzy

and I fell

I fell right there on the front doorstep

and that bastard didn’t even bend down to pick me up

/

I was still on my hands and knees when I saw Beau coming down the passage

he was on his hands and knees as well

as he come towards me

he must have thought I was playing

/

we had a lovely time until Lenny said I had to go and picked up the baby

I said I was taking the baby with me

and he said not on your life

I said the baby was my life

and Lenny just stood there with the baby in his arms and said pig’s arse he is

that’s when I started howling and couldn’t stop

I could hear myself howling like an animal

it didn’t sound like me

it was just a sound coming out of me

I didn’t know where it was from

Lenny’s face went white and he pulled the baby close

and he put out his arm and pushed me back out the front door

and I was left standing on the step when the door shut

/

I was still howling when the cops came

now missus they said what’s all this

now missus they said

and one of them put his hand around my wrist

I could feel his wedding ring pressing into me right on the bone