We walked back to the auditorium where the movie was being screened while I enumerated the reasons in a whisper, counting off on my fingers.

‘One, he doesn’t see me as anything other than his fat friend who got stuck under a table at his ex-girlfriend’s birthday party. Two, I was a fat blob then and I’m just a slightly less fat blob now. Three, I don’t think he even sees me as a girl.’

Nisha stared at me solemnly for a few seconds and her eyes filled up with tears. I frowned. How had my words hurt her?

She shook her head. ‘I wish you wouldn’t hate yourself so much Ananya,’ she whispered with a sniffle and turned away, walking into the dark auditorium.

I followed her, my heart thumping loudly. We never talked about how much I hated myself because it was uncomfortable, but sometimes, seeing her with Anirudh, the two of them so obviously happy with each other, made that knife twist a little deeper into my heart.

Who would look at you like that, I scoffed to myself. Raghu? I doubted that would ever happen, which was why it was pointless to think of whether I liked him or not.

I didn’t pay attention to the rest of the movie because I was too aware of Raghu sitting beside me, and Nisha on my other side. It felt as though she was judging me.

My mind felt cluttered. Maybe that was why when Raghu offered me some of his popcorn, I put my hand inside the big tub without thinking and took out a handful and started eating.

The buttery, salty taste of the popcorn was shockingly good and it was only then that I realized that I was eating popcorn after years. The popcorn felt like it was blooming in my stomach, like it was a seed growing out, stretching, expanding.

It was all right. It was just some popcorn. I told myself that repeatedly to get over the anxiety that I had taught myself to feel whenever I ate anything that was even remotely tasty. The thoughts kept eroding whatever feelings of happiness I’d started the day with. I just wanted to go home.

When the movie ended, Nisha awkwardly addressed Raghu as we walked out. ‘Hey, I’m sorry.’

‘For what?’ he asked.

‘About earlier. I didn’t mean to be rude,’ she said with a shrug.

Anirudh threaded his fingers with hers and squeezed. I don’t know if Raghu noticed it, but I did.

‘It’s all right,’ Raghu replied, looking away. I knew him well enough to know that it wasn’t true.

This movie expedition had been a disaster. We got into an auto outside the mall and left. On the way back, I felt like I had to explain Nisha’s actions or at least try to do it.