I walked to my room in silence, digesting this information. The childish part of me was annoyed that I wasn’t enough for my parents. Why did they need another child? But another part of me was sad because my mother felt this way.

College reopened and I went from the drama at home . . . to the drama at college. Nisha and Anirudh had spoken to each other during the holidays. While I’d been busy figuring out my new situation, the two of them had got together.

They tried to text each other furtively in my presence and that made me feel like a third wheel instantly. I knew Nisha didn’t want me to feel that way but there was nothing she could do about it. It was all new between them and I wanted them to explore it. I just wish it didn’t have to be this way.

I often made excuses to go to the library so they would get some time together. I had probably never been to the library this much in my life. Phones were not allowed inside and I would sit at one of the tables and read a book quietly. On other days, I’d browse the coffee table books. I would find myself drawn to recipe books and despite myself, I would pull one or two out. I would flip the glossy pages and look at the beautiful photos, running my hand over the pictures, imagining how it would all taste. Just the thoughts were enough to make saliva pool at the back of my mouth and I would shut the books decisively and put them back.

I knew Nisha and Anirudh felt guilty but as I observed the two of them, I realized that this had been waiting to happen. The two of them had been attracted to each other even before either of them understood it. I had seen it way before Anirudh had told Nisha about his feelings. I had just refused to acknowledge it, hoping they would never act on it, because I would be left out if they did. Now that they were together, I was beginning to think of myself as an outsider both at home and in college.

One evening, I learnt that Aunty V was coming the next day. Ma had instructed Meena Akka to clean the guest room and make sure everything was perfect for her stay.

‘Sometimes the size of this house almost makes me wish we were back in that poky apartment,’ Ma said with a tired smile when I sat down with her.

‘That apartment sucked,’ I said without thinking.

Ma frowned. ‘It wasn’t that bad,’ she said.