Surprised to find tears running down my face, I swiped at them hurriedly. I ran into the nearest corridor as I heard the voices drawing closer, hoping I wouldn’t bump into them. I felt betrayed by Raghu. True, we hadn’t talked since that day but I had known him for years now. He had been my friend for such a long time. Raghu could no longer be my friend if he was her boyfriend.

I tortured myself several times, wondering how much they probably laughed at my expense, until Raghu’s betrayal became bigger than Esha’s meanness. The only way I could deal with all this was by painting him the villain and it helped me to direct my anger towards him. And since then, Raghu had no been longer a part of my life.

The present day

Even though Ma’s room was far away, I could hear her retching in her bathroom. I winced.

I’d fallen asleep to memories I had blocked from my head for years. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to find myself in this bedroom. I almost expected to be in the apartment where we had lived five years ago.

I shook my head. It was useless thinking about the past, but it was lodged firmly in my head.

I took a quick shower and wiped my body dry, my thoughts still with the Ananya of five years ago. As I dressed quickly, I looked at my body in the mirror briefly, half expecting to see the old version of me.

It was a relief that I was no longer that person. But I knew that I was still a work in progress. I was nowhere as thin as I wanted to be. With the dieting and strict exercise and yoga regimen, I had managed to nudge ten kilos off my body. I think if I could lose another ten kilos, I would be fine. Not perfect, but I might be happy with my body finally. I wondered what that would feel like. To actually look into a mirror without flinching.

I blew out a breath and googled ‘morning sickness’ on my phone as I went to my parents’ bedroom and knocked on the door.

Papa opened the door warily. He looked tired and very annoyed.

‘What is it?’ he growled.

‘How’s Ma?’ I asked as I pushed past him into the room. Ma was still in the bathroom, retching.

He raised his eyebrows in her direction and shrugged.

Ma opened the door of the bathroom and emerged, looking pale and drawn. There were hollows under her eyes and her hair stuck to the sides of her face in sweaty strands. This stupid baby, I thought, irritated and suddenly anxious. Making Ma’s life miserable already.

‘Ma, should I get you some . . .’ I read from my phone and looked up, ‘some toast and weak tea?’