“You should be. Anyway, so at first Kiara and I thought the solution was to take turns doing what the other person liked to do. Some weekends I would go out with her, and others she’d stay in and play video games with me. It worked at first, but then we were both so stubborn about getting each other to try what we ourselves liked to do that, in the end, we became burnt out. And resentful. Eventually, things got so bad that we started to think we weren’t compatible enough and thought about breaking up.”

“Wait, what?” I ask. “When was this? Why didn’t I hear about this happening? Or almost happening?”

My heart twists just hearing about the possibility of my friends breaking up. It’s shocking to hear that Kiara and Val suffered from the same problem that James and I eventually did, after the initial rush of feelings and excitement faded away and we realized we were two different people. Of course, now, though, I know my way of going about things was totally wrong. Because I thought I could keep the peace by letting him completely steamroll me.

I’m more than a little curious as to how my friends got through it.

“Like, a little over five years ago?” Val replies. “Around Christmastime. Granted, we still fight from time to time, but that was our biggest argument, I think.”

Five Christmases ago, I was out of town for a ski trip in Aspen with James’s family, having what was then one of the best Christmases I ever had in my entire life. It was during a time when things were amazing between James and me, when our relationship was still relatively new and fun, and, aside from weekday lunches with my friends at work, I admittedly didn’t talk at length with anyone except him on a day-to-day basis.

That was so extremely unhealthy, I think. And selfish.

I wish I could travel back in time and give Past Me a good shake.

Val must have sensed my guilt, because she says, “It’s fine. It happens. People lose themselves in relationships all the time, especially in their early twenties. We live and we learn, right?”

“Yeah,” I say softly. “Wait, so what happened?”

Val laughs, so loudly and unexpectedly that I jump. “Well, after talking through a bunch of stuff, we went back and realized the rules we established for ourselves in the beginning of our relationship were bullshit. And we learned that we need to just let each other be who we are, instead of trying to change ourselves or each other. Sure, we make sure to regularly do things together, but we’ve also been doing things separately ever since, and it’s worked beautifully.”