In the end, I decide not to apply for the position, a choice that’s cemented in my mind when, in the beginning of March, my friends rent out a whole karaoke cable car for my thirtieth birthday.

Although cable cars are relatively common in the city, I almost never ride them. I last took one when I first slept over at Celeste’s place in Nob Hill. And before that, the only other time was when James and I rode in the back of the Powell Street trolley to Fisherman’s Wharf, hugging each other as the bright red cable car sped down the hills.

Tonight, my friends and I get on what is more of a motorized trolley on wheels. So it’s technically not an actual cable car, but it more than makes up for the discrepancy with its built-in open bar and karaoke system.

“We thought it’d be a shame if we let this milestone birthday pass without doing something super fun,” Kiara says as we settle into our seats. “Plus, your birthday is on a Friday this year, so obviously, we had to go all out!”

“Happy birthday, Gemma!” Val exclaims as the car starts moving.

Kiara joins in, and we all tightly hug each other.

“Thanks, guys,” I say. “This is amazing. Literally the best birthday present ever.”

We say cheers and down our first round of drinks.

As the car rolls through the streets, we raise our drinks and belt out Chappell Roan songs, as well as hits that were popular while we were in college, like Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” and Adele’s “Hello.” My friends thankfully don’t judge me when I cry through most of the songs, although they do exchange concerned glances when I sing “Casual” a bit too passionately.

When the last notes fade away, Val pauses the music before it can start our next round of songs.

“So,” she says. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She doesn’t need to clarify what “it” is.

“It’s obvious, isn’t it?” I say with a laugh that sounds sad and pathetic even to my own ears. “I caught feelings. But in my defense, I’m pretty sure Celeste did, too. I doubt things were casual for her, either. She told me she loves me.”

Val winces, and Kiara frowns.

“But then why isn’t she here with you?” Val asks. “If she loves you, too, I mean.”

I sigh and down my flute of champagne. “She was too afraid to try again, given our history. And honestly, I don’t blame her. She went through a lot in the past eight years. A lot more than I did. Also, when she asked me when was the last time I was single single for an extended amount of time, I couldn’t give her an answer. Even I was spooked by that.”