We’ve been watching bits of movies and TV shows all year, dissecting them, deconstructing them. I love this class. Most people do, actually; it’s like we’ve been training all our lives to have a class like this. Still, I’m thinking of how I can make this project mine, how I can bring a little Stevie into the assignment. I am scrolling through IMBD, but really I’m thinking about Dee and her stunts. How satisfying they were to see. How it finally feels like someone is doing something. I think of the Breannes and the Paiges, the Aidans, Joshes and the Lukes, the white, rich, privileged dicks that roam the school, our town—our online life, too—like medieval lords. It’s like other people all own a part of you. And I get it—it’s our fault for sharing so much of ourselves, but we’re now in this trap, where we can’t look outside ourselves without getting caught, and judged or worse. I feel my eyes starting to water, and then the door jingles, and it’s Dee, bustling in with a smile.

“I need a Blizzard, STAT!”

I take a deep breath and laugh. She’s here. She’s always here when I need her.

Chapter 14

14

“Hey Stevie!”

It’s Ava, calling me from the doorway of one of the classrooms. The bell between classes just rang, and the hallways are full of students changing classes. I wait for her to catch up. She’s wearing a huge oversized sweatshirt that looks like it might swallow her whole. I’m not used to anyone other than Dee calling to me at school because they actually want to hang out with me, but that’s been changing lately. The past few weeks, there has been a shift. I don’t dread the minutes between classes and actually turn when someone calls my name. I smile at her as she hurries up beside me.

“Hey,” I say. “What’s up?”

“Not much. Just on my way to Environmental Science Club. It’s actually kind of fun. You should come sometime.”

“Oh, really? But isn’t climate change a hoax?” I say, sarcastically, “I feel like I heard that somewhere.”

“Har-har. I go because there’s always pizza, and we like to see how much hemp Mr. Wilson can work into his wardrobe.”

She notices that she’s accidentally passed the Science room and darts away, waving. I almost run full-on into Matthew, who is passing in the other direction.

“Oops! Sorry!” he says, catching my arm as I stumble. “Gotcha!”

“Thanks,” I say.

“How are you?” Matthew says in that way that he has of seeming to see into my soul. We pull to the side to let a bunch of rowdy kids walk by and lean against some lockers.

“I’m really good, actually.”