Soon I’m immersed in the world of the movie. Love this flick. Classic, and one of the first mainstream movies that featured a trans character, before trans was a household term. I start to think about what Pete has done. How it’s really brave, becoming his true self, even if it is hard for Lottie, and for me, to adjust. Maybe I can do something, even something kind of private, to show my support, to help me to get on board. To show Lottie that I love her family. Maybe a vid for my channel. On the best trailblazing trans films, or something. I start working it out, choosing movies in my head, jotting down ideas for a script.

Chapter 7

7

Episode 69 00:00

I went out of my usual wheelhouse for this list. I did what we all need to do: I educated myself. While I may have thought I knew about the representation of trans people on the silver screen, I was woefully—and I mean woefully—ignorant. But something changed in my life; to be precise, someone is changing in my life, and so I knew I needed to branch out and watch more than the usual fare of Boys Don’t Cry and Dog Day Afternoon. This person in my life is showing the bravery it takes to transition. This Top 10 List is for him.

The next day, Paige doesn’t speak to me. I try, in homeroom, while Pete is talking, to catch her eye, but she stares straight ahead, ignoring me. I finally buckle, despite Lottie’s warning, like I can’t help myself. I am desperate, it’s true, but I feel like if this isn’t resolved, I won’t have any peace, and that I’ll lose something important—my place in this precarious order, but also, I worry, more than that. I shoot out a couple of texts from under my desk.

Hey. You ok? and I’m so sorry paige!!!! And sad emojis, tears, broken hearts.

And then, finally, in the late afternoon, she agrees to come to my house after school, something she’s never done before but that I offered up as a last resort. She looks at me, her face hard, and says, “Yeah. Okay, it’d be good to see where you live.” Something prickles in my mind, but I push it away.

On the way home, I try to talk to her.

“Look, I’m really sorry.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“That’s fine. Just, I—”

“It’s fine. Seriously. Stop.”

“Okay.”

She turns and looks at me, and says, “So, like, why didn’t you want to invite Lottie to the movies with us that time?”

“What?”

“Just that I thought you were such good friends. She told me she wasn’t doing anything that night.”

“I dunno. I can’t remember. I thought she couldn’t make it,” I mumble, my face reddening.