“And God knows I deserve to be happy, and he makes me happy. You want that for me, don’t you?” My mom has this idea that she has been dealt a bum hand in life and is always going on about how hard it is being a single mom. “You know, he actually knows a lot about music and movies and stuff. You and Lottie should talk to him sometime.”

The rest of the conversation was a foggy blur of reasoning that began and ended with me having zero say in the matter. He was moving in. I provided her with what she needed to hear:

“Right. Okay. Whatever you want, Mom.”

My ears buzzed, and I decided I wasn’t hungry at all. My mom chose to believe this. I went to my room, where I listened to her calling Reg to tell him how our conversation had gone. Pretty well. I think it will be good for her.

I picked up my phone and texted Dad. There was always a way out.

Hey dad.

He answered right away. Hey kiddo! How are you feeling?

Fine. Question:

Shoot!

If I wanted to could I come live with you

Ellipses, on, off, on, then: Wow. I would love that. But I don’t think makes sense. mom would be pissed. would be hard. school and friends are there. Are things really that bad? Give it time?

I didn’t respond. He texted a few more times; then he called me, but I didn’t answer.

Its fine dad. just wondering. Not a big deal.

Nothing’s a big deal until everything is. I watched my phone humming as he tried to call again, and then stopped. Gave up just like that.

Ok kiddo call me later if u want xo

And then: You know me and eleanor would love you to visit again

Right. Eleanor who doesn’t even remember who I am. And so I have spent the evening editing, commenting, dissecting the rare, the camp, the cult films I love.

I’m alone. I know that the storm rages on against me online. I try not to check, but then I do. Each time, there are more—people I’ve never heard of trolling me, which isn’t all that unusual—but I thought it would have died down by now. But it keeps up, steady, unstoppable. It never sleeps. Ever since Lottie and Paige screamed at me, then ghosted me, dropped me like they never knew me and made me feel invisible, they passed the torch: I have become visible to the rest of the school, fun to play with, just a joke. At the least, no one wants to be my friend; at the worst, everyone wants to be my enemy.