My eyes open slowly, like there’s gum in them, and I see through a fog of smoke and crowd of bodies. It is Friday. We are still at Sienna’s house. I feel so sick. I feel like I’m in a cloud. And I remember, then, that I had been here for a birthday party, when I was a kid. We played duck, duck, goose, and when the birthday cake came out, I hid under the table because I was afraid of fire. And when they put on Bambi, they had to call my mom to come pick me up, because of the forest fire scene. I remember all that in a slow, sloshy wave.

I am on the couch, cold. I shift and feel why. My shirt. My shirt is pulled up, almost off. My pants pulled down. I am wet, cold. I focus on my torso as I try to pull my shirt down and see.

Red marker. Like lipstick. Capital letters.

CRAZY BITCH

I cry out, a small sound.

Dee?

Dee?

I am pulling at my clothes, trying to see through the fog inside my head. I hear someone weeping, and then realize it is me.

Dee where are you?

Dee!

I am stumbling, on my knees, finding carpeted stairs, chips ground into the fabric. She is gone, she’s not here. I need to find her, I need her. I find my way outside, around the side of the house. I remember that I don’t have my bike, that I walked here. I put my face against the cold brick.

Dee.

I lean over suddenly and throw up like a shout.

DEE! I cry.

There is nothing.

*   *   *

I am at home.

I climbed right into bed as soon as I got home, before Mom woke up. I was shaking while I put my pajamas on. They usually make me feel so cozy, but nothing feels right.

I open my phone, ignoring texts from anyone but Dee. There’s so much there, but I can’t look at it now. I try to call and text her. No answer. No response. Where is she? What happened to her? My fingers are trembling. There are tears racing down my cheeks. Dee. Dee. I want to go find her but feel helpless, immobile. Moving takes so much effort.