exited bar and walked on street. asked alec if he wanted to split 10mg oxycodone and he said he did. i yelled something like ‘I’M ON DRUGS, I HAVE DRUGS’ at a cop car. then we said things like, ‘who lives in that house, someone must live there.’ we passed a pizza place. alec said he’d like it if i wanted pizza but he didn’t want any. i wanted something. didn’t want to be the only person eating pizza. we stood outside the pizza place. alec said there were chips and hummus at his house and…haha…the tone of this part of the conversation was funny, like ‘wartime decisions.’ a lot of me asking short questions about the specifics of the chips and hummus, alec giving one or two word answers, me nodding with a concerned face and looking at the sidewalk, maybe pensively touching my mouth or chin, receiving enough information to declare the ‘big decision:’ ‘let’s just eat chips and hummus,’ resuming walking, alec saying ‘are you sure,’ me saying ‘yes, it’ll feel better.’ by the time we got to his house i decided ‘i want to turn around to get pizza’ but then realized where we were and walked inside.

wanted one aspect of the food to be hot. thought it’d be better if the hummus was hot. ‘fried’ hummus in olive oil in a frying pan. the frying made it really mushy. we were laughing a lot during this. laughing in the kitchen, eating the hummus. i mostly ate it with salsa, i think. there was a soggy chip in the salsa. drank the beers we had saved from earlier. ate several mini-hershey bars that had been sort of vulnerably arranged in a strange graph-like pattern on the otherwise empty kitchen table.

brought a handful of mini-hershey bars to alec’s room. alec said ‘i want to see you eat that when we listen to limp bizkit.’ listened and sang along to limp bizkit and other numetal things, then the goo goo dolls. got in a maybe 30-minute fake argument about how we couldn’t be friends because i was in a relationship with alec’s dad. we were being really serious, like, acting. improv. yelling. alec was hiding in a box and i hid in the closet. wish i had video. it felt actually kind of cathartic, via…i think i was only able to fake-argue like that due to real-arguing like that…it felt good to make fun of it.

laid in bed and read parts of ‘the remainder’ to each other. can’t remember how this happened, but at some point we kissed briefly and i said ‘no, i can’t.’ think we spooned. felt similar to the time we spooned in baltimore, like ‘i wish i was romantically attracted but i’m not.’ usually if i feel…er…i don’t know. usually i don’t stop myself from something sexual when it starts, even if i know i’ll feel bad after it, but i was glad i could stop because it seemed like it would negatively effect the friendship. or. i’d feel guilty if we had sex and he had feelings for me, and wouldn’t be able to ignore the guilt because i like him too much. ate two or maybe three ambiens and gave alec one and a half.