oh cool i’ll just feed you guys and give you water so you can drop some stank terd and pee where i sleep, and then later maybe you’ll stand just far enough from my hand so that i can almost pet you and when i pet you you start moving around out of reach oh okay okay okay. so here we are in this apartment where i bring us food to eat, we poop and pee, sit mostly alone, and sometimes we make noises that startle each other and we all jump and freak out. that’s what we’ve got going on here. that’s our thing. huh. okay. admittedly i was a little more enthusiastic about giving you attention when i wasn’t sleeping in your excrement. just one of those things about me. i know, i hate it too. it’s like how some guys have some freaky opinions about what you should do to your pubic hair. i’m like that guy, i’m the pubes guy…i just…it’s a quirk of mine, a neuroticism, this ‘learning to accept that i am now sleeping in excrement.’ i downloaded something that’s supposed to help. it’s an app. the app is supposed to help me with this.

to let a 23-year-old person like i was adopt cats…no, it seemed like i had hope back then, i get it. plus there are just so many cats. what else are we supposed to do.

what do other people around my age do when a cat starts peeing the bed. what do other people my age do, in general? do they live in like, warehouses? lofts? is there a lot of newspaper on the floor from art projects or whatever, do the cats just pee on that? no, no. that’s not 27. that’s like, 18-25. guess i missed out on that. never seemed like anyone cleaned at those places. huh. 27-year-olds live in places with refurbished kitchens. they have small business start-ups. or something. they’re married. not like how i am, they’re like, pressured…they experience pressure to ‘settle down.’ huh. i don’t know if i’d like that. i can’t do something like that right now. the small business thing. there is this air of ‘things are calming down but they’re still exciting and i’m looking forward to whatever adulthood has in store for me’ about people my age. definitely not me. think my air is like ‘can you tell i sleep in excrement, that is, when i sleep, i mean most of the time i’m sitting in my bed but that’s not really sleeping, do i look awake to you, too awake? am i too awake? i’m sorry i’ll go lie down, thank you for your time and consideration.’

3:11AM: the band 311 is really funny. i lit a candle. currently obsessed with ‘does it smell like poop in here.’ i’m having the adderall or no-sleep thing of…it feels like there are little hairs in my eyes. as i was tweeting from alt citizen i experienced the ‘neon spinning spherical turtle shell made of tiny shifting geometric patterns and if i look close, stuff that looks like the outlines of rice kernals which i used to think were my rods and cones.’ i get this around the 36-hour ‘no sleep’ mark, i’ve noticed.