2:04PM: dad left a voicemail from a number that isn’t stored in my phone. in the first 14 seconds he apologized three times for being half-asleep when we talked last night. didn’t know he was half-asleep.

trying to learn english at this age would be very hard.

3:27PM: administered another round of windex to fruit flies in kitchen. have been mentally referring to this as ‘doing the genocide.’ nostalgic for summer 2011 when i did a similar ant genocide thing at dad’s place. had forgotten it also involved windex. fed cats.

stuff i thought while doing the genocide:

•  respond to texts at 3:30PM in honor of 2:30PM, the one-hour anniversary of when you said you’d do that.

•  ‘all is quiet on the jordan front’

•  the thing i do with the dry food. it’s like, ‘the retard rotator.’ pouring the dry food from the bowl they don’t eat from as much into the emptier bowl. why do i have two bowls. ‘retard rotator:’ shaking it up. a gruff dirty man in a wifebeater who only leaves his la-z-boy once a day to do ‘the retard rotator’ for his cats. he calls them ‘retards’…affectionately? derogatorily? he like, yells ‘ey you fucking retahds’ so many times a day he doesn’t even know what he’s saying or who he’s yelling at anymore. he and his cats equally don’t know what he’s saying. no one notices, it’s like all the other noises in the room.

•  what will you have to say to people at the party, all you’ve been doing tonight…you’re doing the retard rotator on yourself, somehow. what does that mean. it means you like thinking ‘retard rotator.’ it’s bad to say ‘retard,’ maybe i should stop.

•  the flies like to hide in the hobby hole [vent above the stove]. someone would say ‘hobbit hole’ whenever i’d say ‘hobby hole,’ like they thought i didn’t mean to say ‘hobby’…it’s ‘hobby hole’…i don’t know…it’s always ‘hobby [something].’ the thing that makes it funny is ‘hobby.’ the reasons why something would be primed with the word ‘hobby’…people with hobbies don’t say ‘hobby baseball rec league’ or ‘hobby trivia night,’ those are just their hobbies. the only thing i know that’s ‘hobby [anything]’ is ‘hobby horse.’ seems so insane. a ‘hobby horse.’ i’m not even sure what it is. i think it’s that plastic horse thing that’s sort of floating mid-air, suspended in this wire frame, attached with springs. they were around when i was little. i always wanted one of those things. you bounced on it. pretty sure that’s not what a ‘hobby horse’ is…‘hobby horse’ is like, a name for a piece of wood…maybe…one of those weird nicknames that catches on…like ‘dingy’…there are better examples.

•  there is always something in my eye when i’m doing the genocide. always the past two times. the past two times i’ve done the genocide there has always been something in my eye. and that is a fact.