i ea—i ate, i have oxycodone, and i have xanax—i ate two milligrams of xanax, earlier, and…fifteen total oxycodone tonight, since [pause] around probably like, eight p.m. and i still. i’m having a hard time sleeping, a lot. [exhale] and…um. overall feeling…um. i was feeling pretty good, i was feeling pretty good. then the thing with, um. the person. happened. then i felt pretty bad, i’ve been feeling pretty bad. uh, since tha—that happened friday. today’s wednesday—or thursday, now, technically—jeez almost a week. um. so. i don’t know…if i’m gonna wanna update…liveblog, right now. for the next few days. ’cause i wanna be hanging out with jordan and stuff. and not thinking. and not wanna type stuff.

before…um…i g—part of my thing, part of my plan, when i stopped…doing…the liveblog thing, i was like ‘i’m gonna write, uh, i’m gonna start writing articles. for vice. again. and ‘i’m gon-na…apply…to s—to colleges,’ and i…i sent in my fafsa. forms. for, colleges. um. but i really haven’t done much of anything yet. um, and i thought i would. those were kinda things i wanted to kinda straighten out, er. or like, i’m gonna do research studies…or something. um [pause]. f-eeling in general…like i don’t have anything…to say [laugh]. to…or con-trib-ute, to stuff. that was another thing with the guy. ‘omitted’ guy. he kinda has his shit together and i kinda don’t. it seemed to not bother him but maybe it did. um, i don—i don’t, actually i don’t think—i don’t know what it was, um. he seems more…kinda obsessed, with like…sex, than me…um…i could take, or leave…sex [laugh]. um, and he…did i say he cheated on me? i said it on twitter. he cheated on me. that’s never happened to me in the, the um. [shows necklace] this is from coldwater cr-creek [laugh], um. never happened to me in the beginning, the beginni—like, the two months, ‘beginning’—it’s…happened at the end, when things are already bad, or i’ve agreed with the person, like, ‘we’re gonna see other people’ and. and i-i, i’m pretty sure—uh, i don’t know, i don’t wanna get into…um…talkin’…shit—

days just keep going by, and then they turn into night, and then they turn into morning, and i’m up for all of it, and it sucks. um. and i’m…flaky…person [laugh] to hang out with, but then, so seems kind of, everyone, sorta…um, tolerated in this particular group of people that i like hanging out with sometimes? um. [pause]. i’m probably the worst, ’cause i’m not even good at emails or stuff. or, uh. or being…consistent, with stuff…or…anything. so…

i guess that’s about it, um. [pause]. no matter what, it—it always feels a little better if the apartment’s clean, if everything is really really super-clean, really—surfaces are all dusted and, um, laundry—it’s just like…there’s less cells, of. that person. here. uh [pause]. or, yeah. there’s just less of it. um. this is really long. thanks for listening if you want. it’s—here, this—let this…tide you…ov—i [laugh]—uh. i’m not gonna update for a few days, so…um…stupid, stupid stupid stupid st—okay, um. the end thank you for listening goodbye.