12:42pm. Ordered bacon egg and cheese on multigrain bagel, coffee with cream and sugar. It was free donut day. Cashier said ‘you pick a free donut’ with his arm near the strawberry-frosted ones. I said ‘oh wow, great, that’s great, wow…um…’ and felt pressured to pick a flavor. I said ‘strawberry frosted.’ he put it in the bag. He said ‘you come in here before, you live…?’ i said ‘no this is my first time here. I live. In. Rockaway park, I think.’ he said ‘but this your first time in store, you never come in here?’ i said ‘I don’t think so, I think this is my first time.’ he looked familiar to me too. He said ‘she fix your sandwich over there.’ Walked to trash can. Saw man who had let me go in front of him so he could figure out what flavors of coffee the people ordering wanted. Man said ‘now I know’ to the cashier. Felt negative things about the man, waiting for my sandwich, like, ‘how do you think you have so many choices…how do you not figure out what you want before you order…how do your friends make you pick up coffee for them without knowing what they want.’ Looked at ‘cherries jubilee’ ice cream vat with one scoop removed. This is also a Baskin Robbins. There is some kind of ‘special two-scoop day’ promotion. Sad about donut day and two-scoop promotion. Seems like it’s before my period, to be feeling things like this to the degree I am. Ate bagel in my car. Put ketchup on it. Thought about calling mom but I don’t know what I’d say.

1:07pm: leaving parking lot. Turned head and experienced sudden barely graspable memory of dream, like turning my head released ‘dream memory chemicals’ maybe. Waited for man bouncing balloon on street to pass. In traffic now.

1:34pm: pulled into parking spot on my street. Thought ‘what is today, it’s winter’ expected to see ‘Jan 7’ on iPhone when I checked date. Thought ‘how do you say the thing about [omitted], without directly involving [omitted], but still involving [omitted]…but you don’t want [omitted]…there is no way to write about it unless you do ‘thought:’ and don’t say all you thought, like use vague language and say you’re omitting things.’

1:35–11:[something]PM: put away cat food and fed cats. peed and felt UTI pain and sat on toilet to drink water and ‘wait it out.’ read more of ‘taipei.’ can only read small parts at a time without having memories and thinking stuff like ‘what it’s like now…what it seems to be like for tao and what it’s like for me…no i’m being dramatic, this isn’t that bad, i’m okay, good things are happening to him i think.’ looked at pictures of courtney love and thought about her life to the extent that i could envision this period of time as a memory in the future.

courtney love should start doing something really unexpected, like getting really into live civil war re-enactments.