7:58PM: meekly thought ‘no one from mexico is reading anymore,’ looking at statcounter

meekly

it’s always ‘meekly’ these days

big bad boyle and the no-good meeklies

felt a little better writing this

looking at the lack of africa and asia

i am failing africa and asia

there used to be someone from alaska, i am failing them now too

it smells like someone is baking pillsbury crescent rolls near me

9:59PM: i’ve been re-reading shutupmom.diaryland.com. it starts with her in her mid-20’s i think, she works at a nursing home and types in all caps and makes funny/poignant observations and gets drunk and stays at home and goes out and watches cartoons and eats cereal and has a dog and friends and there are guys sometimes…she called isaac brock once somehow…she reminds me of ‘female isaac brock’…i’ve enjoyed re-reading her blog the same way i’ve enjoyed re-reading my favorite books, hope she never takes it down.

11:59PM: have been planning to leave apartment to buy alcohol since around 8PM when i made the bed and put on shoes, now i am wearing shoes in bed. considered going up to 6H, where the anonymous beer move-in gifts are maybe still in fridge, to see if the door was still unlocked.

saw that mira was tweeting at the same time as me and thought ‘we could be hanging out right now. we’re kind of hanging out.’

MAY 30, 2013

1:21AM: have been sitting in bed, typing captions to ‘taipei’ photo album. just posted to facebook.

2:02AM: worried people will think it’s…somehow what i’m doing is negative…but i’m intending to just…do something funny/promotional/supportive…or that they wouldn’t think that but now me saying that will cause them to think that…worried about worrying, next level worrying. i wouldn’t think anyone would think it was negative if i did this in like 2009/before dating tao, i would be doing it for the same reasons then as now i think. though hard to say because a lot of the book is ‘about’ me and it’s one of my favorite things i’ve read, so it’s like, doubly impacting, which probably has something to do with me not doing this with other books. added links to tao’s blog post about it and the book’s page on amazon. why do people think about things differently if it’s related to a romantic thing. i do it too, i don’t know why. worried tao will think i’m doing it to solicit ‘good job pat pat’ or something, i don’t care about that. think i’m just experiencing vestigial worry related to dynamic in relationship/not related to ‘now.’ felt good to be able to type funny captions the way i did in album.

2:10AM: ate 2mg xanax and birth control.

2:17AM: pretty sure i’m always going to be thinking something like ‘how is it [whatever time it is].’