5:44PM: do people talk about how it’s hard to do shots of whiskey?

ORDER OF EASINESS OF SHOTS
(EASIEST FIRST HARDEST LAST):

•  ‘lemon drop’ or ‘red-headed slut’ or sugary mixed dealies

•  whiskey

•  vodka

•  gin

•  cognac?

•  moonshine-like things

•  tequila

•  scotch

yuck, scotch

why would you do that

why have i ever done that

9:06PM: thought about moving my car. but. also i need to eat? MATTHEW DONAHOO AND NICHOLAS I SAW THAT YOU GUYS CALLED I’M GOING TO CALL AFTER I DECIDE WHAT FOOD TO PUT INTO ME AND GO GET IT AND [OH SHIT] MOVE MY CAR WAIT SHOULD I NOT MOVE MY CAR MAYBE I JUST WON’T MOVE IT UNTIL TOMORROW SINCE I KNOW IT HAS A TICKET I..ER..ER…ER……ERRRRRRR. kind of scared to listen to nicholas’ message like ‘oh no what if he hates me now oh no oh no.’ oh doh. i am a defectie anus. seamless nor grubhub doth delivereth to mine ass-eth. i am drunk as a dkink. sunk. skunk. let me readjust. isn’t there a rap song like ‘let me readjust…wait (one, two, three…) let me readjust.’ i forget. ikea delivering my bed and table tomorrow. so.

why do i have to worry about what to eat or ‘am i tired enough to sleep?’ can’t those decisions…i wish someone had made those decisions like how someone decided ‘it will start 10/15/1985, the body will be female’ or somehing.

REAL TALK PART TRES:

even when it’s like ‘shit my faculties are shutting down’ from tiredness i am thinking ‘DON’T DO THAT, WHEN YOU WAKE UP IT’LL BE LIKE YOU WILL HAVE DIED A LITTLE BIT’

because

um

nicholas is my old co-worker and he is an accountant now and i feel a big huge thing in my heart about him

it would be good to talk

i want to not be so isolated anrmore

do i want pizza or thia?

thai?

thai food? or pizza?

what is the thing i want?

9:15PM: fuck everyone who is every have been dumb to me or not treated me nice

you know who you is

closed pop-up ad for a nonspecific item with the text ‘your opinion counts’ over a stock image of a highway

SO NOW IT’S A PICTURE OF A HIGHWAY?

WITH?

‘YOUR OPINION COUNTS?’

ALL OF A SUDDEN!??!

ON THIS HARD-TO-VERIFY-IF-MENU-IS-REAL WEBSITE?!?!

OH

DO YOU KNOW…

THE WORLD NEEDS TO CHEKC UP ON ITSELF FOR A MINUTE BECAUSE…HOW IS THIS REALL..

HOW DID JEBADOH APATOW GET SO FAT

I MEAN JUDD APA…JESUS

THE SUPERBAD MAN

YOU KNOW

HE IS NOT FAT IN A NEGATIVE WAY

I’D ROLL ALL UP IN THAT

I’M JUST WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED

JESS? JESS BRIDGES? JEFF APABRIGE?

JUDD HENLEY

LAUGHING REALLY HARD

GOING TO KEEP GOING UNTIL I FIGURE IT OUT

HONESLTY NO CLUE WHAT THIS PERSON’S NAME IS ISTILL

JUDD APATOW: I KNOW THAT FOR CERTAIN. IT IS NOT HIM.

SETH ROGEN: SAME

JEFF BRIDGES: I KNOW IT IS NOT HIM