she and dad are shopping for furniture. she said she was in gastric distress from something we ate this weekend. i said it was probably the ikea ribs. she said ‘that’s right, they could’ve been ‘horse.” i said ‘miniature pony ribs. they take them from little miniature ponies, i heard.’ she said ‘well it could’ve been ikea, but i think it’s that what i did on the way home—i went to the first rest stop on the new jersey turnpike, which you probably know, it’s so huge and you can buy all of this stuff there, even perfume and, oh, i don’t know, sunglasses [laughlaugh]. well i made the mistake of seeing this nathan’s, and they had this special where you could buy two hotdogs wrapped in pretzels, and it was next to a cinnabon, and then these giant auntie anne’s pretzels, and oh…you know at the mall? when you buy them at the mall they taste good? well it was like they extracted it from that, it tasted so fake. not even real food. it didn’t even taste like real food.’ i said ‘food like that shouldn’t count towards weight gain because it’s not even like food. it’s like, a remote. if you ate a remote. or like, a lighter.’ she said ‘i know!’

2:16PM: mom called to say she was worried about potential employers googling me and seeing i’ve written about doing drugs, reporting me to police. i said ‘i’ve taken that into consideration.’ she said ‘i know when you’re feeling depressed it feels like nothing you do matters, but please just think—just remember that someday something is going to matter? i think?’ i said ‘okay. i know. thank you for saying that, i think i know. i might delete it. i go by ‘margaret’ on applications anyway so. also it’s like that thing, when women get raped but there’s no evidence, they can’t prosecute the guy? i could just say all of this is fiction.’ she said ‘yes, yes! can’t you say something—you could preface your liveblog with ‘this is the fictional crazy account of, i don’t know, a demonstration, of a fictional…’ i laughed a little. i said ‘i might say that.’

4:29PM: a number i don’t recognize texted ‘Hey meggie ive been thinkn bout u a lot and Jus want u 2 know how much i lov u and miss u. Crissy’

it’s my sister

cried like when amahd gave me the $20

wind is so hard outside

4:34PM: fed cats. ate b-vitamin, zeolite, ‘brain and memory herbal health tonic.’

i want to live in a mansion cruise ship where everyone is happy forever and no one has to do anything they don’t want ever, ever, ever forever

i just want the whole world to live there, i want anyone who has ever been in pain ever to live there, it’s where everything will be okay again

i want brad the cat and all the other homeless everyones

5:22PM: did two shots of whiskey. going to go all the way drunk.