some time in may or june 2012 i got my new york driver’s license transferred to a pennsylvania driver’s license. they had a new computer system and ‘margaret megan’ wouldn’t fit under ‘first name.’ the DMV woman urged me to list ‘megan’ as my middle name, which i foresaw leading to future hells of confusedly explaining what my name is ‘technically’ to frustrated desk clerks behind bulletproof glass. i said “margaretmegan’ is really fine, no space, it’s really really okay, i just want to be sure it says the same thing everywhere, on everything.’

6:39PM: sitting at desk in my room at mom’s. oh shit i forgot to mail masha’s package. i will fedex that ass. i forgot i decided to enlist in the navy.

8:00pm: asked mom what movie she was going to watch tonight while fumbling around the kitchen and dining room table, gathering things. She said ‘maybe the Abe lincoln vampire one, but I don’t want to be scared.’ I went ‘ooooooh.’ Walked to my room and picked up my phone and walked back to the main room. I said ‘I can’t believe I figured it out. I’ll just do space.’ mom said something positive about college and NASA. I walked to her bathroom and applied deodorant. Pictured something vague about ‘the steps ahead of me’ and felt a pang of fear and loss. Mom said ‘driving trucks just didn’t seem like you, I don’t know, somehow.’ I said ‘y-eah, now I’ll be driving spaceships. Flying jets and spaceships’ and heard slightly forced childish enthusiasm in my voice. Mom said ‘well or whatever.’ I said ‘I’ll have something new to concentrate on.’ mom said ‘you should never stop writing though, but you don’t have to, you can always come back to it.’ I said ‘I’ll write in space. If I feel like it.’ she said ‘and who knows where you’ll go. They’ll be going to mars, in your lifetime. You could go to mars!’ I put on my shoes. Mom said ‘did you hear about Angelina Jolie? She’s gotten her breasts and ovaries removed.’ I said ‘she did it on purpose? Without cancer?’ mom said ‘well, apparently her mother had this type of cancer.’ I said ‘talk about attention-seeking.’ mom said ‘I know, really’ and laughed. I said ‘I don’t like her. She’ll never make it in space. Especially without her boobs.’ mom laughed and I smiled and walked downstairs and out to my car.

8:16pm: driving to dad’s office for dinner. Not hungry yet

8:17–8:45PM: dad gave me a tour of his new offices. they built them really fast and he’s rented out most of them. i’ve seen the tour before but i didn’t want to mention it.

dad told a story about how he put $200 in the building contractor’s hand when he shook it for the first time the other day. the contractor refused the money. dad said ‘wait, but don’t you have a friend?’ the contractor said ‘yeah.’ my dad said ‘this is for your friend, buy something for your friend.’ i said ‘oh man’ and grinned. dad’s nose scrunched up and he ‘cackled’ giddily, ‘my dad-style,’ in a way he does rarely.