dad showed me an area which he and mary (other landlord) are converting into a ‘meditation/relaxation room.’ it used to be an office. he said ‘and i’m putting my elliptical machine in here, dr. oaken says ‘forty-five minutes a day on that thing, if you wanna live until you die.”

i said ‘i’m so happy for you’ and things like that and asked questions which would normally sound ‘fake’ but i was sincere asking, and interested in his answers. i was happy to see dad acting so happy.

dad gave me a headset for talking on the phone while driving. i put it in my car and dad said ‘are you driving?’ i said ‘oh i don’t know, i was just putting the headset in. or. i’ll drive, do you want me to drive?’ he opened the passenger-side door and paused a moment, looking down, then said ‘no, i think i’ll drive.’

we walked to his car. there was a toolbox on my seat. dad said ‘i got you tools, here are your tools!’ i said ‘oh boy, oh tools, thank you. tools in a toolbox. does it have a drill?’ he said ‘no, well. this one, this box doesn’t have a drill. but you can borrow mine.’ i said ‘no no no, i’ll just hammer the thing i was thinking of drilling, hammering is fine.’ dad said ‘i thought i bought you this toolbox a while ago!’ i said ‘i’m pretty sure you did. yeah i think you did, it looks familiar, from my old apartment.’

dad pulled into the parking lot of the seafood restaurant where we had planned to eat. a handful of agelessly old-looking, ‘active lifestyle’ people in silk shirts and jewelry were milling around outside. dad slowed as we passed them. i said ‘what if there’s a wait, looks like a wait.’ dad said ‘is there a wait?’ the people looked ‘bleakly unfamiliarly acquainted’ to me. i said ‘seems fancy.’ dad said ‘yeah, it might be.’ i said ‘let’s do the double T instead. this seems too fancy.’ dad said ‘yeah, long wait, too fancy.’

i showed him the e-cigarette. he tried it, nodded, matter-of-factly said ‘it hits you.’ i said stuff about the batteries not working well and ordering new ones. he said ‘where do they sell those things?’ i said ‘like CVS, rite aid.’ he said ‘wanna go to CVS and get a new one before we eat? so you’re not thinking about it at dinner?’ surprised he would think to ask/offer that. i said ‘oh no, it’s okay.’ he said ‘are you sure? it’s right next to the double T.’ i said ‘okay.’ i said anxious things about how it’s not really smoking and dad would respond with a ‘padding’ comment, like a repetition or slightly different phrasing of whatever i had said. he pulled into a parking spot at CVS. i said ‘thanks for offering to do this, i wouldn’t have even thought to.’ he said ‘well now you won’t be wondering about it all night. plus, i think they’re a stress reliever, cigarettes can be stress relievers.’ continued anxiously saying things, walking fast into CVS with dad behind me, increasingly aware that i was about to ask for an e-cigarette battery with my dad, and there was maybe something socially ‘off’ about this.