i looked online at passport things. i printed out an application for a new passport and wrote ‘margaret megan matlock boyle’ as my name. i checked a box that said ‘name correction’ and wrote ‘it has never said the same thing as my birth certificate’ next to it on a line. i got a new passport photo at a UPS store and mailed a package with the photos, the application, and my birth certificate to the passport offices. i knew i wouldn’t be living in brooklyn much longer and i never ‘officially’ lived there in the first place so i listed my mom’s apartment as my permanent address. it seemed likely that the passport offices would return my application with an ‘INVALID’ stamp, maybe an ‘INVALID’ stamp on my birth certificate if it hadn’t already been ‘confiscated.’

a few weeks later my mom called and said a package from the passport offices had arrived. i drove to maryland and opened the package containing my birth certificate, a ‘leftover bonus keepsake photo,’ and a new passport which said ‘first name: ‘margaret megan,’ middle: ‘matlock,’ last name: ‘boyle.’

felt like the happiest day of my life.

i went to a social security office in maryland with my passport and birth certificate. there was only one ‘waiting area’ in the maryland office. only a few people were there. the woman who helped me didn’t notice the blank space under ‘father’s social security number.’ she said ‘so wait, is ‘margaret megan’ your first name?’ i’ve never been sure if ‘megan’ is my first or middle name. i said ‘yeah, it’s my first name. double name.’

i forget what address my new social security card was mailed to, but it said ‘margaret megan matlock boyle.’ i went to the maryland DMV with my new social security card and passport. they changed my license so easily i don’t remember what was said.

i think i had a maryand driver’s license that said ‘margaret megan matlock boyle’ for less than a week.

this is when i did something i don’t understand fully. i know i did it on march 28, 2012, when zachary and i had already signed the lease (effective april 1, 2012) for the philadelphia apartment.

i went to the coney island DMV and had them give me a temporary new york state driver’s license. a permanent license, which i still have, would be mailed to me. i didn’t ask to take the CDL test, i just left with a paper license that would expire in a few weeks. i took pictures of the coney island boardwalk. the sun was bright. only a few people were walking around. i had never been there. i think i was thinking i would live in philadelphia but occasionally drive to new york for truck driving lessons with the polish man.