12–7:[something]am: split eightball between all of us [will elaborate on this + disjointed notes later] **EDIT: as of 3:15AM, may 1, 2013 i have no plans to elaborate

7:[something]–6:30pm: drove Mira and Sam to Sam’s. ate 1-2mg Xanax and gave some to Mira and Sam, all slept in Sam’s bed.

6:31pm: jossled awake by a pokey hand of Sam. Mira had left for work at 4 and Sam was getting ready to leave for somewhere. He was sitting at the kitchen table wearing headphones. Asked what he was doing and he said ‘movie stuff’ in ‘I don’t like talking about creative stuff as I’m doing it’ voice I understand and use. Said ‘oh my god’ and ‘xanax, I still feel xanax’ and sam kind of laughed and there were crusty boogers around one of my nostrils. Washed face, blew nose, used mouth wash, dressed. Asked about Mira. Sam said they had argued, kind of, about Sam spending time with his girlfriend. I don’t know details, but on a broad level felt I understood and had been in each of their places/sides of the argument, in past relationships.

7:16pm: driving home. Vincent Lombard rest stop, I had forgotten. Thomas Edison also.

8:20pm: ate bk tender crisp chicken sandwich with mustard, salad, fries, large diet coke. Called z in response to things from last night, asked if he still wanted to help me move Monday (he offered).

9:15pm: pulled into Molly pitcher travel stop to rest. Debating vomiting fast food.

9:30pm: Zachary called. Sounded business-like, a way I’ve heard him talk to Jamie on the phone when he hasn’t wanted to talk. I said something about how he’d be in NYC for three weeks and he said it wouldn’t be that long, he had just taken a job ‘being nice to Jamie, moving things around for her art gallery a few times a week.’ He said something about me getting the rockaway apartment, asked about meeting with apartment people, sounding vaguely condescending or like he was making fun of me. In a better mood, I would’ve riffed or something, also made fun of myself. I said ‘it sounds like you don’t want to talk, it’d be nice to see you sometime.’ he said ‘ok gotta go’ and I hung up. Continued resting my head on passenger seat in a half-nap.

9:40pm: texted Zachary ‘sorry won’t bug you anymore. Have a nice time with everything. Will think about you in good ways.’ Drove out of travel plaza. Remembered last year at this time, didn’t know I was pregnant yet. Remembered being in Florida with Zachary and Adam, who was filming a documentary about Zachary, and my friend Alec, who’d invited Zachary and me to read and hang out at his college in Sarasota. Called mom to say I was coming home. ‘one hit wonder’ by everclear played on shuffle. Have been listening on repeat.