9:27pm: texted Mira that it was okay if she is feeling antisocial and reconsidering hanging out.

9:48pm: have seen ‘9:48 PM’ on phone clock maybe six times. Now it’s 9:49. Still sitting in parked car. 9:50. Worried Mira thinks it’s not okay to tell me she doesn’t want me to stay over tonight, unsure if I should’ve texted to confirm earlier.

9:59pm: going to text this to Mira: ‘Shit just realized not texting you to confirm letting me stay over earlier was ‘faux pas’/could lead to inconveniencing you or you not being sure of what you’re doing tonight and making other plans, I should’ve texted dog, I’m sorry. Think I’m gonna head back to md, feel anxiety about not doing all the stuff I was supposed to do yesterday + starting to plan/pack/figure out how to move. Sorry again for no contact oof, big dog faux pas.’

10:02pm: I texted it. Feel unable to discern…anything, I think, about situation…like if I did a faux pas or if Mira doesn’t like me as much anymore or if her phone is broken…those are the only reasons I can think of but none of them feel like the reason. Unsure if it’s more socially acceptable to tell Mira I’m going home, or if I should find something to do in NYC until I hear from her. Imagining Mira never talking to me again, like this would be a logical point, the most likely point in our friendship to ‘abandon ship,’ would be funny if that happened.

10:19pm: missing Zachary for some reason.

10:27pm: read Mira’s twitters. She lost her wallet and had an upsetting phone conversation with dad, has mentioned crying in public and ordering a side of bacon and a side of bread from somewhere. If those things were happening to me I wouldn’t want to respond to text messages either. Hope my last text/me going home reduces stress for her.

10:34pm: interesting that I’ve never gotten lost or made a wrong turn in rockaway park but I get lost like, driving to dad’s apartment, or other places I’ve driven many times.

10:36pm: hunger pangs.

11:25pm: Mira texted that she had forgotten about me coming today, described hellish circumstances of life like I had read on twitter, that she thought I was easy/fun to be around and I didn’t do a faux pas and she was down to go to fishkind tomorrow or hang out any time. Texted this:

‘Jesus re wallet and arguing and 10 texts bro, read this and your twitters, seems like you are in hell big time. Side of bread side of bacon Jesus. I understand 100%, I also forgot about coming today/thought yesterday was Tuesday until some time last night. Relieved to read your texts, you are easy/fun for me to chill with also. I’m down to go to Fishkind tomorrow. Your hellish circumstances…Jesus..I’m sorry all that shit is going on. Stay strong mami, boost boost. I will sprinkle you with Xanax tomorrow.’