11:35pm: big time drowsy nauseated itchy body lazy eyes. Forgot tramadol lasts so long.

11:40pm: parked at Richard Stockton rest stop to buy sugar-free red bull and maybe a food unit.

11:50pm: burger king was open but didn’t want to do that. Tried credit card in red bull machine but it didn’t work. Walked to Sunoco snack shop. Bought 16oz sf red bull, neuro sonic, and white chocolate macadamia clif bar. Lady who rang me up had bright red hair. I said I liked it. She said the salon had left the bleach on her head for too long and she hated it so she got her hair for free, and is going back in a few days to get it darkened. I said ‘you don’t like it?’ she said ‘naw, don’t you think I look like a stop sign?’ I said ‘no, it looks great. I mean I used to do blue and all that.’ she said ‘select credit or debit.’ I did ‘credit’ and picked up the plastic pen to sign the machine. She ‘no, you have to sign on the paper.’ I signed and picked up my things. She said ‘you don’t want a bag?’ I shook my head and said ‘no, and well, good luck when you get it re-done in a few, whenever, you look great.’ she said ‘thank you, you have a nice night’ and we were smiling at each other.

APRIL 26, 2013

12:53am: they would make a lot of money from a snack food called ‘carbs.’ still driving home.

12:56am: names of rest stops on 95, between Baltimore and NYC (not in order):

•  Chesapeake house

•  Maryland house

•  Clara Barton

•  Richard Stockton

•  J. Fennimore Cooper

•  Walt Whitman

1:28–1:43am: pictured something and got aroused and tried to masturbate. Came close to orgasm a few times, kept getting distracted.

1:44–3:00AM: drove, minimal thoughts/feelings, listened to ipod on ‘shuffle.’ there was construction and i took a wrong turn, ended up taking the long way back to mom’s through baltimore city.

3:01–4:07AM: picked at face/back/chest skin in mirror, washed/disinfected, texted with mira, applied coconut oil to hair, applied pajamas. out of tampons so i wrapped long strip of toilet paper around ‘blood zone’ in underpants. have never heard a rapper compare their ‘flow’ to a menstrual flow…seems like, really good…hard to rhyme ‘menstrual’ with stuff though. or they could say they do something once a month, like laundry or something, like ‘my laundry got menstrual flow.’

4:50pm: driving to NYC for Fishkind show. This is a bad idea. Committed to doing bad idea. Woke around 1:30pm, fell asleep around 6am. Vaguely antagonistic internet communications with Zachary. Showered and dressed. Measured myself: chest 34”, waist 26”, hips 36”.

5:20pm: merging onto 95n. Traffic slow. Passed sign with chic-fil-a and panera bread logos. Almost out of gas. Why am I doing anything…