6:10pm: in parking lot outside FedEx. Too bright. Re-read email I sent Tao in February then re-read his reply from earlier today. Picked at shoulder then pulled back sleeve to see if there was anything to watch pop out of me. Popped small blackhead I thought ‘my savior’ about. Disappointing results. Thing I was not going to include: dark red car with license plate that said ‘CLOSURE’ passed on a speed bump to my left. Universe fake as hell man. This has gotta be some kinda Ashton Kutcher prank. Blew bloody nose scab thing into hand but nothing else came out so I got a napkin and tried harder. Success. Checked other shoulder for things to pick at, no results. Wonder of I’ll ever be nostalgic for now. Seems like all times are preferable to now but I doubt I’ll think that tomorrow about now. I’ll be like ‘ah, the parking lot, the bloody booger: how young I was.’

7:02pm: someone asked four ask.fm questions in a row with answers I don’t automatically know/sense. Interested in who this person is…they can lead me to an ‘elsewhere’ lol…picturing them as Tom cruise in ‘lord of the rings’ (know he wasn’t in that, am just picturing a shrunken mischievous tom cruise in hobbit clothes who is also a ‘mysterious old sage.’)

Saw email from Austin about spacedads reading and panicked a little. Completely forgot I agreed to do this. People will be watching my head talk ‘live’ soon. Mom will be at apartment, I don’t want her to hear.

I SOLVED IT I WILL JUST GO TO DAD’S AND BE ALONE GREAT I CAN FEED AND PET CATS ALSO

Jesus in-person interview photo shoot thing is tomorrow morning in Brooklyn I haven’t been considering this sitting in FedEx parking lot looking at phone not sleeping shoooooit sheeters shiddly poo come on auto-correct let me curse the way I want to, with peepee head misspellings

7:20PM: responded to austin’s email. said ‘mom there’s too many things and no sleep i did it again and noooooo’ or something while bending over to hug mom on couch. she asked about what was going on and said ‘i bet you’ll feel better after a shower.’ i said ‘oh no, am i…sorry,’ re how i smell, and she said ‘no, no no no, i didn’t smell anything’ (aware of probably smelling like cigarettes, but it hasn’t been long enough since the last time i showered for ‘worse smells’). i said ‘i mean no, it’s fine, i know it’ll feel better, thank you.’ she said ‘i really didn’t smell anything bad on you.’ checked skin in mirror. not as clear as i thought. i repeat: skin IS NOT as clear as i thought. had unconsciously picked at my chin in the car, i think. this feels like a musical comedy. musical comedy of fiendish errors full of sound and fury and in the end signifying nothing.