[unknown]PM: woke and read nice/funny emails from tao.

7:22PM: going to dad’s to give alvie his continuous water flow device and feed cats. then back to here. jesus. tomorrow will be ‘get stuff done again’ day. want to forget today.

7:43pm: Listening to smashing pumpkins. Ate 1mg Xanax. On the way to do kitty business at dad’s. I only have ‘mayonnaise’ and ‘1979’ on iPhone. Responded to nice things moon temple + others were saying on Facebook re my liveblog, felt warm.

8:14pm: bought monster ‘absolute zero’ energy drink, pack of american spirit menthol lights, gas from gas station. Unknown number texted to see if I’d still do the shower noise. Responding ‘yes will do it to the best of my memory then hang up.’

8:19pm: the person called. I made the noise and hung up. They texted ‘thx that was great,’ I texted ‘;) thanks I’m grinning’

8:46pm: set up continuous water flow device. Made/drank cucumber lettuce juice. Dreading carraba’s take-out. I want to be healthy for the rest of the day. This could be ‘transitional day into being healthy.’

9:23PM: arrived home. ate 1mg xanax. eating unhealthy things today as motivation for being healthy tomorrow. ‘one last hurrah, one bleak goodbye to unhealthy eating, the green juice you had was your ‘[healthy dinner they give to people pardoned from death row, maybe]’

9:51PM: looking at a spread of fiendish delights i will be eating, arranged on dinner tray. fiendish italian chain restaurant to-go carby shitfuck nummmynum xanax benefits shithead delights. we’re watching ‘les miserables’ instead of ‘homeland.’ fiendish fiendy fiendish…should i eat another xanax…might eat another one…shit…going ‘all in,’ going all in, alert: i am going ‘all in’ eating third 1mg xanax of the evening, basking in the delights, treating myself to a star spangled shitfest.

9:52–11:59PM: ate less than i thought i would’ve. fell asleep during ‘les miserables,’ i think.

12:00–2[something]AM: slept at the end of the bed, parents put on ‘homeland.’ think i was administering xanax to myself…during waking parts…during this time…i think. have very little memory of how i ended up in my bed.

6:41AM: woke and ate 1mg xanax, ate some kind of wafer cookie, went to sleep.

11:30AM: woke and ate 1mg xanax, ate some kind of wafer cookie, went to sleep.

2:26PM: woke and parents were getting ready to leave for things. feel confused and far away from the obligations that seemed important for me to complete. i think mailing packages was one of those obligations. might take a vyvanse from tao and just…beast that out…want to be healthy today, also. colin also asked me to scan and sign ‘house rules’ for him. i feel like a xanax zombie on my third cup of coffee and it’s just making me want to sleep more.

PLAN: shower/‘dress for the occasion,’ eat vyvanse on the drive to whole foods, get materials for ‘least you can do’ smoothie, packages.