He’s getting way too excited now, and I know I need to shut down this line of thinking fast. But I can’t find the words. Living with him? Yeah, that would be fun. But it would also be a totally torturous disaster for me.

“So, we can go to the party, and you can scope it out. See if you could see yourself going to college there.”

“I thought you didn’t want me to leave Kensley,” I say, even though that’s not really shutting him down. It’s more out of curiosity because that’s what our last fight was about.

He sits on the bed again, resembling an excited puppy. “Yeah, I know. I still don’t. But thirty minutes away isn’t so bad. And like I said, we could rent a house in the middle or something, you know? It could still work out.”

I know I have to kick the damn puppy, and I feel sick to my stomach. “Kingston . . .” I start, and he frowns. “I kind of want to leave Kansas.”

His entire face falls even further, and now I feel like the biggest villain in the world. “What?”

“I’m sorry. I . . .” Don’t really have the words. He stands up, his brow furrowed and looking pale.

“You want to leave the whole goddamn state behind?”

“Maybe not forever.” I stand up cautiously, not wanting to fight with him again. But making him think that maybe I’ll be happy going to a community college close to home isn’t healthy. “But for college . . . yeah.”

“What the fuck, Cam?” Yeah, he’s pissed.

“Shhh. Lucy’s in bed.” Her room is next to mine, and I don’t want her to wake up.

“So you’ve had this planned all along?” he whisper-shouts, looking far more distraught than he did when he first got here and told me about his breakup.

“Calm down, okay? I told you I need to get out of here. Let’s just sit down and talk about it.” I try to take his arm to guide him back to my bed, but he pulls away furiously.

“No. I’m not going to calm down. You want to leave the state.” He keeps his voice low, but it’s clear he’s angry.

“The state. Not you.”

“Bullshit. It is leaving me. You won’t even consider going to Great Lodge?”

The truth is, I did consider it, but that’s not what I want. I want to be far away where I can be the true me. Where I can come out and not worry about all the things I worry about here. Where I can meet other gay people and find my place in this world.

I can’t do that here or thirty minutes from here, and I know it.

“No,” I answer honestly, my voice hoarse.