‘Will you help watch my back? Steph’s coming, and she’ll be on red alert, but when it comes to my mother you can never have too many allies.’

‘Of course.’ Sam’s eyes were soft like caramel, his smile a thermal blanket wrapped around my battered heart. ‘What are friends for?’

31

The next three weeks were somehow the hardest, and yet the most encouraging time since those first few days after I’d moved. The day after Joan and Leanne left, I went to the Buttonhole as arranged, and lost myself in embroidery for a while, the delicate stitching requiring all of my concentration. Aunty Linda confirmed that Mum seemed to be making progress. She’d had lunch with the manager of the bakery next to the Buttonhole, and when he confessed that he’d not spoken to his son since his bitter divorce, it hit home.

‘Karina and I have co-ordinated a two-pronged attack,’ Aunty Linda told me. ‘We’ve been explaining on repeat about how trying to keep you to herself ended up driving you away, and any hope of a reconciliation has to be based on mutual respect and trust. At the same time, we’ve been giving her plenty of opportunities to find some purpose and enjoyment in other things, so that she doesn’t depend on you quite so much.’

‘I can’t imagine ever being able to trust her. Not having that sense of dread that she’ll suddenly get ill or flip out or do something else to force her own way.’

Aunty Linda sighed. ‘I don’t expect it will come easily to either of you. Your mother’s also wondering about trust. How she can open herself up to reconnecting without constantly living under the threat of you cutting her off again if she doesn’t play by your rules.’

I sat back, a wave of nauseous anger churning in my stomach. ‘I didn’t cut off contact because she wouldn’t play by my rules.’ I shook my head, disgusted at the thought. ‘I had no rules. Or rather, my only rule was to try to keep her happy!’

‘I know.’ Aunty Linda placed her hand on mine. ‘I know. But she doesn’t understand this new Ollie, who does lay down some boundaries. I’m not criticising, darling. You asked where she was at. I’m telling you that she’s scared and confused and also navigating enormous change while wondering how she can make things better. I suppose what I mean to say is that it’s complicated. It’s going to take patience and proper communication on both sides.’

‘I don’t want to lose her. But I won’t risk losing myself, now I’ve finally found me,’ I said, my voice breaking. ‘I like me a lot more than her.’

‘No comment,’ Aunty Linda replied, before offering me another brownie.