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Back Just the Way You Are Save as PDF
Chapters (42)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. 3
  6. 4
  7. 5
  8. 6
  9. 7
  10. 8
  11. 9
  12. 10
  13. 11
  14. 12
  15. 13
  16. 14
  17. 15
  18. 16
  19. 17
  20. 18
  21. 19
  22. 20
  23. 21
  24. 22
  25. 23
  26. 24
  27. 25
  28. 26
  29. 27
  30. 28
  31. 29
  32. 30
  33. 31
  34. 32
  35. 33
  36. 34
  37. 35
  38. Acknowledgments
  39. Author’s Note
  40. More from Beth Moran
  41. About the Author
  42. About Boldwood Books

‘What?’ Her eyes jerked in every direction but mine, before she accepted there was no escape. ‘Okay, okay! I was looking for my favourite bra and thought it might be in your room. The journal ended up falling out of the drawer and landed open at your list. I didn’t mean to look at it, but I couldn’t help spotting a couple of things on there while I was putting it safely back… But isn’t this perfect? Aren’t you pleased? We’ll be able to celebrate your dream birthday!’

I could have argued, but it would have been pointless. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, and then got up and walked away.

I lay awake most of that night. By morning, I had reached a decision. I knew Steph would complain that it wasn’t drastic enough, but I had to go with what I could handle.

I was going to move out. One advantage of having next to no life was that I had some savings, but I wasn’t going to blow them on a half-hearted move that I could end up backing out of. If I was moving, it was to a house that I would buy, not rent, and it would be as close as possible to the one on the Dream List.

I wouldn’t leave Mum floundering alone, treating her as badly as my dad had done. I would find her a lodger (however long that took) and I would ensure all the practical things like bills were properly sorted.

I would also tell her none of this, until it was certain, and I had new house keys in my hand. I would move close enough to drop in from time to time, but far enough away to start a whole new life of my own. And I wouldn’t be telling her my new address until I was certain she could respect my choice.

As I got up that morning, the excitement and terror pulsed through my bloodstream. Images of my new life flashed in front of me like the trailer to the best film ever, with me in the leading role.

Every time I wavered, felt almost suffocated with guilt, I remembered the Dream List, clung to it as a promise to myself of the life I’d always wanted – the one that was out there waiting for me, if I had the guts and the gumption to get out there and find it.

And I would not be completing a single thing on that list with my mother.

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