‘Oh, right,’ the woman said, before sending me a long look, as though she was wondering why I was there, too. If she didn’t already know who I was, I wasn’t going to tell her.

‘Frode’s not here right now,’ she said, ‘but I’ll ask if Cecilie can talk to you for a second. Hang on a minute.’

The woman closed the door. Ida and I exchanged glances. Neither of us knew what to expect. I’d heard some people say that losing a child was the worst thing that could happen to anyone. That it was impossible to imagine the grief unless you had actually experienced it yourself.

We waited for a few minutes, then the door opened again. Cecilie was standing there in front of us. At first she only had eyes for Ida, tears welling up. Then she started to sob, and Ida did too. They stepped towards each other and hugged for what seemed like a good minute or more. It looked as if they both were hanging on to each other for dear life, crying and hugging. I just stood there on the bottom step, not knowing where to look or what to do.

When they let go of each other, Cecilie wiped Ida’s tears from her cheeks and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

Then she saw me.

And everything changed.

She pushed Ida away. The overwhelming sadness gave way to a rage that seemed to grow with every second. She struggled for words as she stared down at me. Like a boxer waiting for the bell to ring. I wanted to say something, to find the right words to soothe the hurt I could see in her eyes. A pain she thought I’d caused her.

Cecilie just looked at me with horror, then at Ida – as though she could not comprehend how Ida – Ida – could betray her this way.

‘Cecilie,’ I said. ‘I didn’t—’

‘Go,’ she said, her voice trembling. ‘Just leave. Both of you. Go away!’

‘Cecilie,’ Ida tried as well, but Mari’s mother gave her the same hard look as she’d given me.

Ida held up her hands and retreated down the steps. ‘We’re leaving,’ she said. ‘We just wanted to…’

She stopped herself. Mari’s mother sent me another look filled with hate. Then she went inside and slammed the door.

41

NOW

I need to pee, but I know there is still a long way to go before I’m finished. I push the thought away.

‘Really,’ Prosecutor Håkonsen says. ‘What did you expect was going to happen? That Mari’s mother was just going to open her arms to you, too? You didn’t think she’d heard the rumours?’

‘I admit, it was a stupid thing to do,’ I say. ‘But I was looking for answers, and I really thought that Cecilie might be able to help.’

‘Even in her moment of grief?’