Of course, there were the physical signs of her slow but steady decay, but they had both somehow accepted her death with a kind of serenity – something that had come as a great surprise to him. It was almost as if they really didn’t think it would happen, that it was all some kind of a prank, and that they would somehow be able to get through this as well. Like they did everything else.

Four weeks ago, on the day she died, it was as if though reality finally hit him. He had held on to every hour, every minute she continued to live, even though he wanted her suffering to be over. He knew this was life – the way of the world – but he cursed it. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. It made no sense to him that some people would live to be a hundred, while others merely made it to sixteen or sixty-two.

Yngve had wanted to scream then, because it was so bloody unfair. He had wanted to shout, because fate was so unfair. He hadn’t been able to stop crying. But maybe that was what had kept him going. Without his tears the fire that was raging in his chest would have consumed him.

He looked over the desk at her. Her smile had faded. But their love never would, and neither would his grief. It was just going to change, and he was fine with that. Åse was, too. She had said so many times.

I will just be there, with you, around you and in you. And you will feel my hand in your heart instead of on your chest.

She vanished into thin air, as she did these days, with no warning.

Yngve made a decision. He needed to put her away for a bit. He needed to close the door to the room where all the colours were dark. He wasn’t going to lock it and throw away the key, no. He was going to keep it around his neck, as close to his heart as he could. And when the time was right, he was going to open it again.

Now he just needed to work.

It simply wasn’t his moment to be mourning.

51

51

Mum was already in the kitchen when I got there, reading the paper, drinking her morning coffee. I hoped it was alcohol free. GP lay at her feet with his tongue hanging out, hoping to catch a titbit or two. She ignored him.

‘Good morning,’ she said.

‘Morning.’

‘They say they’ve got a strong lead.’

‘Hm?’

‘The police. They say they’ve got some new evidence in the case.’

I wondered what kind of evidence it was, or if that was something they just said to the media.

‘Any details?’ I asked.

‘No. There’s some stuff about how difficult this case is, though.’