She felt guilty about Tobias, who would be home alone once again. What difference did it make, though? Tobias was happy as long as he was left to himself in his room. He never came down to the living room to watch TV with her these days. It was the same with Even; when he wasn’t at football practice he was hanging out with his friends. But at least he had them. Tobias didn’t, except maybe that Ruben idiot from Solstad.

Susanne had realised a long time ago that it had been a mistake to move back to Fredheim. The house was too big, and everywhere she looked, she noticed things that needed fixing. Her mother had left tons of junk in the attic and the outhouse. It would take Susanne years just to go through it all.

But Fredheim was her home.

It was where she’d grown up, and for a long time she had loved it: singing in the choir, working at Myhrvold’s garden centre, meeting people every day. Just hanging out with Jimmy and the kids. She had thought that coming back to her roots would do her a world of good, that it would be easier for her to find her true self again. She’d thought it would be easier for Tobias, too. She had hoped that he, that they, could start over.

Instead, everything in Fredheim reminded her of Jimmy, just as it had before they left. The car crash that ended his life had ruined hers too. But now that she had given Fredheim a second chance, she couldn’t just leave again. She simply couldn’t do that to her boys.

Sometimes the sound of the crash filled her mind – the smell of the trees they had hit, the burning stench from the engine reaching her nose as she came to. Sometimes as she woke up she could taste the blood on her lips. She would search for the tiny bits of broken glass that she first thought were diamonds.

Ten minutes.

Finally.

Susanne turned off the machine and got off the treadmill. Silence, at last. She exhaled and took a look at the mats, the weights, the ropes, the rubber bands. She didn’t feel like using any of it; she just wanted a drink. Another one, to be fair – she’d had one before she came down into the gym. Alright, she’d had two.