As soon as the talk was over, she got up and came to meet me. We hugged briefly. For some reason we didn’t want anyone to know we were a couple, so we didn’t kiss. I did put her hand to my chest, though, because I wanted her to know how fast and hard my heart was beating. That made her hug me again – it was as if she couldn’t help herself. It was a tighter hug this time, and it lasted longer than hugs normally do between friends.

I snuck a hand under her hair and cupped it round her neck, so I could feel her warmth. Through her soft skin I could just feel her pulse, a rhythm that was picking up pace. When I gently pushed her away from me, I noticed all of a sudden that she couldn’t breathe. It was as if something was stuck in her throat. As I looked around for help, she became more and more desperate. She tried to say something, but no words came out.

That’s when I woke up. I sat up straight and gasped for air myself for a few moments, still able to feel the rhythm of her heart in my body. Upstairs, the old wooden clock chimed seven times. It was time to get up and go to school.

I got dressed and went outside to see if the paint was dry and if the letters that formed the word MURDERER were still visible. They were, so I quickly gave the door another coat. It might even need a third, but at least the neighbours wouldn’t see the letters unless they got up close.

The thought of going back to school, of actually sitting there, trying to learn something again, had been the furthest thing from my mind the last few days. But when I got there that morning, it was as if nothing had changed. People were standing in groups, talking, smoking, laughing. There wasn’t even a photograph or a shrine or something on the staircase where Johannes had been killed. No flowers or messages. Everything was normal. Life went on, and so, apparently, did our classes.

In the first break, I got Oskar to come with me to the music room. ‘Why do you want to go there?’ he asked.

‘I just need to see it,’ I explained. It was silly, but I thought the room would speak to me somehow, that I would be able to feel Mari’s presence, or maybe even hear her voice or something.