I crossed the driveway to my own truck and got inside. I looked up at the lights in the windows and wished that I was in there, participating in it. Instead of sitting outside in the dark. I started the truck and pulled away.

9

Luke

“It should have been you, Luke.”

I woke up to words I hadn’t heard since I was eighteen ringing in my ears, left over from my dream. I’d joined the Army to get away from my father. I hadn’t heard his shit for years, but ever since I’d come back here it was all I could hear.

It should have been you.

He hadn’t wanted me, my mom had. After she died, he quit pretending.

I rolled over in bed and blinked at Rocky’s face hovering above mine, his hot breath tickled my cheeks as he barked gently and nudged my face with his cold nose. I hugged him around his neck, and he settled down along my side to rest his head on my chest. He watched me closely as I scratched behind his ears. Rocky had flunked out of all of Jed’s service dog programs, but he was perfect for me. We were both a couple of rejects.

“Ready for breakfast?” He shot up and started hopping around and wagging his tail. I laughed as I stood up and stretched, being careful of my stiff back and shoulders. I might never regain one hundred percent of my flexibility, and that was hard to accept. Even so, I was one of the lucky ones. I opened the door and headed downstairs to the kitchen with Rocky hot on my heels. I let him outside and placed his food dish next to the open sliding door.

I headed upstairs to start the day. After I showered, I caught my reflection in the mirror. I looked rough with crazy hair and an out of control beard. After my injury I had stopped caring about a lot of things. For a while, I didn’t even care if I got better or not. I dug under the counter and found a bunch of clippers and razors and fancy beard maintenance crap my dad had always used. He had always been very vain and fastidious about his appearance. I was not vain, and I was a long way from fastidious, but I should stop being a total slob. Just a trim, I decided.

If Lily could see my face, she might miss it more. It was weird to think about her again with any sort of hope. I had spent so many years trying not to think about her at all. Too many years just trying to not die, without really living.

After I got out of the shower, I checked my phone. I had a text from Rose: