I looked up to see Lily smiling with an expression I had never seen before. This must be her “mom” look. Her expression was soft as her gaze settled on my face. Then on Dylan tucked tight to my side, eating his donut. Then on Calla dancing on my legs as I held her up. I suddenly remembered my mother watching me with a similar smile on her face. This was a part of Lily I didn’t know anything about, her life as a mother. The fact that she made me remember my own mother with just the look on her face told me she was a good one. I took a deep breath as my heart filled. There were so many things I loved about Lily, and I had just discovered a new one. Regret burned through me, blazing a path right along with the joy that had been sparking up within me all morning.

Jed said that regret takes the place of action. He told me to set aside the things I could not change to concentrate on what was possible. I smiled back at Lily and watched her eyes warm. I would give her more babies, we’d always talked about having a big family.

As I closed my eyes, I felt the sun warm on my skin. I inhaled and smelled roses and donuts, Lily’s soft perfume, and baby soap. I let it wash over me for a minute, grounding me. I wished this soft breeze on the air could blow the bad memories away. But some memories were rooted too deep, and a simple breeze couldn’t budge them. I would do what Jed had said, take the good with the bad. He said I deserved good things, and I was finally starting to believe him. But right now, it was easy to believe, as I sat here in the sunlight with my arms full of my family. I locked this memory up tight, to use when I needed it.

14

Lily

I was buzzing. I still hadn’t come down from earlier this morning. My head was spinning, from Luke, to the kids, to what to wear tonight, to what we would do tonight. Would we do it? My stomach dropped and swirled around just at the thought of it. Yikes.

“Lily, what are you doing here?” Violet shouted as I entered her shop.

“Sorry I’m late. Did you think I wasn’t coming?” I yelled back as I headed to her office to grab an apron and put my purse away.

“No, don’t you have a date with Luke tonight?”

“Yeah, in, like, nine hours. How much time do you think I need to get ready? And watch what you say. I’m about to get offended.”

Nick and Finn laughed as I headed toward the cash register.

“Well, we weren’t going to say anything…” Rose snickered, making Finn and Nick laugh harder.