Cover

Dedication

For Jenna

Thank you for always encouraging me.

1

Lily

Every time I drove this road, it felt like I was driving straight to him, even though he was gone. Years had stacked up between us. Miles too, I assumed. I didn’t come home very often. I tried to avoid the memories this place stirred up. There was a hole in my heart that nothing could ever fill. My husband couldn’t fill it, my children can’t even fill it. Will had done his best to help me put the pieces of my life back together. I had been content with the life we’d made. But Will was dead. And I was going home to start over. I couldn’t stand to be here back then. But now, there was nowhere else for me to be.

I never thought I would lose him, but I did. I never thought I could be with anyone after him, but I was. Being a thirty-year-old widow running back to her family was never in my life plan. Yet here I sat, watching the same roads I’d traveled as a kid pass by as I drove back to the beginning. Back to the past I had fought so hard to leave behind.

Funny how a three-hour trip could turn to five. Time had no meaning to first graders and babies. We’d already had three pee breaks and a Happy Meal break, I was sick of changing diapers in the car, and if I had to walk around another rest stop, I would scream. “Are we there yet?” echoed in my ears and I couldn’t wait to stop driving. Dylan, my six-year-old, stirred awake in the back seat as the speed limit dropped, and I slowed down to a crawl as the highway led into town.

Sweetbriar, Oregon. The gateway to Mount Hood, population 5249. When I grew up here, the population was 5197, which meant there were about fifty-two people who didn’t yet know my business. Memories sprouted up in my head as I passed familiar sights. Some were pleasant, but most I wanted to bury again. Some things never changed, and this town was one of them. I felt like a stranger even though this used to be my home.

“Mommy, look, there is Auntie Violet’s coffee shop. Can we go in and have a smoothie and some cookies? Please, please, please. We’ve been driving forever, and my butt is so tired,” Dylan complained from the back seat.

“You know what? My butt is tired too. It’s smoothie time, bud.” I laughed as he let out a whoop.