“Can I check on the kids, tuck Dylan in maybe?” he asked.

I nodded and my heart melted a little bit. But a gooey heart led to a gooey mind, I reminded myself to be careful.

He took off up the stairs after unleashing another grin on me.

Kicking off my shoes, I headed to the kitchen for a drink. Calla’s cries from the baby monitor cemented into my mind my internal warning to be careful and not rush back into love with Luke. But I found myself wavering again when his voice came through the monitor to join her fussing.

“Hey, little princess, can’t sleep anymore?”

Tears filled my eyes, and I gulped down some of my water to stop them from falling. My imagination filled with images of him using that voice on Dylan as a baby and the tears fell freely despite my efforts to abate them.

“You’re a pretty little thing, aren’t you? Beautiful, just like your mama. Are you hungry?” Calla let out a dainty burp and Luke chuckled. “You burp like her, all cute and quiet, like you’re trying to keep it a secret.”

I laughed through my tears as I headed upstairs to feed her, wiping my cheeks on the way. My heart was so warm it was almost on fire. I peeked in the room before I entered because I had to see what it would have looked like for Luke to be holding our baby. I’d imagined it so many times after I had Dylan, what it would have been like if we were a real family. This was as close as I would get to being able to see it. I stood in the doorway unable to process the emotions that ran through me like wildfire. Luke cradled Calla against his broad chest, gently rubbing her back.

I wanted to freeze this moment so I could remember it forever. I also wanted to escape it. My two lives had collided in such a way that I was euphoric at the sight of Luke holding Calla and stricken with guilt that Will had had to die in order for me to have it. I stopped trying to reconcile my conflicting feelings as I entered the room.

“I think she needs to eat,” I whispered. When I met Luke’s eyes I froze at the anguish in his expression.

“Lily, she’s beautiful. And I’m so sorry.”

Overwhelmed, I couldn’t hold back the sob that escaped. Luke passed Calla to me as I sat in the rocking chair in the corner. I pulled down my shirt and unhooked my nursing bra to bring her to my breast.