So much for relaxation. I tossed my phone to the bath mat and blew out a sigh. I tried to relax again but it was no use. Luke had me keyed up and I couldn’t calm down. Visions of his gorgeous face and super-sexy body danced through my mind and I decided being naked in the bathtub was not a good idea anymore. At least I managed to wind down for five minutes before getting all twisted up in a knot again. I pulled the plug and got out, quickly dressed, and headed for bed.

Hours later, I woke up with a start in a tangle of sheets with Gram’s beautiful quilt tossed to the floor. Rose was right about me and my nightmares. My heart pounded hard, and my mind raced with jumbled thoughts of Luke and of Will and how to deal with being in the same town as Luke again. Would I see him every day? Did I want to? I got out of bed and headed into the hall to check on the kids. The floor creaked with every step I took along the old dark wood. I peeked into Calla’s room to find her sleeping. With a quick glance at the clock, I smiled at the time. A new sleep record for Calla, yay! I crept into Dylan’s room; he was asleep too. I should be asleep along with them.

Now what?

I was wide awake and in the aftermath of a nightmare. My history told me that going back to bed and trying to fall asleep would be pointless. I descended the stairs for a change of scenery, turning every light on as I passed. Being in the dark after a nightmare freaked me out. Honestly, being in the dark at all freaked me out.

I should have never encouraged my kids to start sleeping through the night. I hadn’t been doing so well with my own thoughts lately. Was it wrong to wake a sleeping baby? Right now, I needed my kids more than they needed me, and it made me feel weak. There were so many things I didn’t want to think about, and now that my life had somewhat begun to settle down, those things long buried had started to rise.

I looked at the clock again; it had been four minutes since I’d last checked. At one point in my life, this hour was not late. Now that I was a mother, this was definitely past my bedtime. I got a Diet Coke out of the fridge, caffeine free. Yucky but better than not having a Diet Coke. I headed out of the kitchen and into the living room, filling the house with light as I went.