As they turned onto Ladbroke Grove, Jess’s sigh seemed to fill the car with fatigue.

“What is it, Jess? Really, there’s nothing to worry about. The choir will be good for me.”

Jess looked straight ahead, eyes fixed on the road. “It’s not that.”

Audrey detected an almost imperceptible twitch at the corner of Jess’s mouth, invisible to anyone who wasn’t attuned to it. “What is it, then? Come on. Something’s wrong, I can tell.”

“Nothing, honestly. It’s just . . . I’ve been thinking about Dad, that’s all.”

Audrey waited for Jess to say more, could hear the ambivalence in the silence, was unsure whether to press further. She allowed a few moments to pass, waiting to see if Jess might volunteer anything else, but they’d stopped at a traffic light and Jess was staring out of the window in the opposite direction. “What have you been thinking?” Audrey’s stomach swirled and she could taste the acidic residue of vomit despite the Trebor Extra Strong Mint she’d sucked on her way to the car.

“Nothing specific, really. Just little things.”

Audrey watched Jess’s mouth open again, as if she was preparing to say more, but then her lips closed. As the light turned to green and the car moved forward, Audrey studied her daughter’s face. Jess had always complained that her looks were unattractive, nondescript, but Audrey had always seen a quiet beauty in them: eyes that seemed to change color, from gray to green to hazel, depending on the light; lashes so long people often assumed they were false; lips neither too full nor too thin that Audrey had often joked, when Jess was little, were perfect for kissing.

“What kind of things?” Audrey was aware of the air stiffening as the muscles in Jess’s jaw twitched. It was always a risk pushing Jess—however gently—to talk about Edward, but she opened the door so infrequently that Audrey couldn’t afford to ignore it.

“Like I said, nothing specific. Just random things from when I was little.”

“Nice things?”

“For God’s sake, Mum. Yes, nice things. Things that mean what happened later makes no sense. Things that mean I still don’t understand what he did or why he did it. Is that what you want to hear? Is that what you want me to say? God, I wish I’d never mentioned it.”

Audrey clasped her hands together, her rings jabbing into her fingers. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I know it’s hard. I’m sure, in a way, it always will be. Dad was never the same after what happened with your sister.”

Jess whipped her head around, eyes ablaze. “I know that, Mum. Don’t you think I already know that?”

She hissed the words with a ferocity that still had the power to shock Audrey even though she’d heard it many times before.

The miscalculation rattled in Audrey’s chest, berating her for having failed, yet again, to help Jess speak about events she had kept to herself all these years. She had an urge to reach out and squeeze the top of Jess’s arm but she curled her hands into balls, her fingernails digging into her skin. “I’m sorry, Jess. I know you don’t like to talk about it.”